Mask | Teen Ink

Mask

June 9, 2022
By nchang50k BRONZE, University Place, Washington
nchang50k BRONZE, University Place, Washington
2 articles 0 photos 0 comments

There's a sound on TikTok, it goes something like: 


"It's called the Midwest, because every single thing in it is


Mid!


"Skyline chili? Mid!”

"Your Cincinnati Reds who haven't won a World Series since 1990?"

 

"M- M- M- M- mid,


Referring to anything declared subpar, or simply, average. 

Not the best, not the worst. 

Sort of like cabbage. 


When I first heard this sound, I chuckled. It was funny. 

I laughed until my stomach hurt and my face felt crummy. 


But then I had a revelation, I realized, 


I

Am mid. 


Okay, what's so bad about that? 


I don't have to worry about paparazzi or boys or the pressure of fame and talent and the disappointment that time eventually brings. 


The less you are, the less to worry about. The less to worry about, the happier you are.

Aren't you so glad you are mid? 


But I don't wanna be, kid! 

My whole life I have been chasing to be exactly not mid! 


Nothing is special about me. I don't stand out. I am not a 10/10 or a supermodel queen or a Harvard-bound academic genius or a self-immolating saint or a talented otherworld being.


I guess there's nothing wrong with that, exactly. 

 


BUT


I wanted to be something, I wanted to do one thing. 

I picked out my priorities, to change in many ways. 

I knew I wasn't going to be super athletic or pretty anyways,

Though deep inside there is still that small yearning longing. 

I picked up the guitar. I polished my singing. 

I practiced piano. I started wearing jeans. 

I tried, but I could never really get lean, 

I stayed up late at night to earn that A high in the sky. 

I can't cook, but I can make a damn good pie? 

Just kidding. I can't. 


I wanted to be special! But 

I knew I'd never. 

I accepted my fate. 


So I changed my focus; 


I'd be the one everyone sees but nobody knows. 

I'd be the nice Asian girl that's generally on the low. 


Hey, are you the girl on the middle left row? 

Can you help me with my homework, bro? 


You play guitar? That's pretty cool. 


……


In my quest to escape the mid-land, I'd settled in the Midwest. 

But still was never satisfied with myself

My guitar

My looks 

My hair 

My singing 


Well... maybe I was, but never satisfied with how people saw me. 


I am

Away from the fancies of Los Angeles

The neon vibrancies of New York 

Cradled in the heart of America

Ohio Kansas Nebraska


At least in the Midwest you don't gotta wear masks.


The author's comments:

I am an Asian-American girl that struggled throughout my life with being overly concerned about how people saw me. I think part of this struggle was a result of the tension of wanting to fulfill the expectation of Asians being smart and achieving, but also wanting to break free from that stereotype. Part of it was my own sensitive personality, and wanting everyone to like me. Part of it came from my childhood, where I struggled to make friends in school, but became somewhat comfortable with the fact that I was often alone. 

This piece I wrote for my school's poetry assignment. I hope that others will relate to the sentiment of trying to make something of yourself for the approval of others, but failing your own harsh standards of how you should be. Of never feeling like enough, but slowly becoming more comfortable with the fact that hey, maybe that's okay. 


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