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Not ready
I said I wasn’t ready.
That was one of the toughest things
That I have had to say.
I’m not ready
And yet I want it all the same,
And that is where the disconnect comes into play.
Is there any worse feeling than wanting something
That you know you can’t have?
Every piece of music
And every flower by the sidewalk
Is now a painful reminder.
It all comes back to you, somehow.
God knows how even the sound
Of a blaring siren
Reminds me of you, somehow.
And as I result, I am caught in the crossfire.
Between heart and brain.
Body and soul.
I’m raising my shield
As I scream and yell
And fight the one person who has been by my side
For all the years of my life,
Until finally I yield.
And then a cardinal will fly outside my window
And again I will be thinking of you,
Because I know red is your favorite color.
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This is a very personal piece for me. It's still very raw, and I used this writing to get my feelings down in a poem. Though I hope that people can't relate to this particular feeling of being unprepared for a relationship, I hope it can be comforting to those that can relate.