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River Song
Voyageur,
But no matter how far I travel,
I can’t escape these concrete clouds
Paling the sky above my head
With the promise of rain.
Flow and repeat
As I carry forward,
I stand still,
My paddle struggles to take ahold
Of the currents.
I follow rivers,
Winding and criss-crossing,
Bubbling and murmuring,
But never doubling back.
Talk is cheap
But silence is golden,
In silence I find my war
And my peace.
What happens when
An unstoppable force
Meets an immovable mass?
The force pushes and heaves
The mass remains
Until both are too worn to continue
I follow rivers,
Winding and cross-crossing,
Bubbling and murmuring,
But never doubling back.
Treading water
Keeps me afloat and steady
I’ll never drown
But the shore looks so far away
I could never stop my mind
Like I could never stop breathing
But it hurts so much more
To fight than to just exist
I follow rivers,
Winding and cross-crossing,
Bubbling and murmuring,
But never doubling back.
I’ll know when I’m
At the end of the journey,
The sky opens up
And swallows the land,
And the only thing I can see for miles
Is open ocean and cloudy sky
No longer a storm siren
In my mind.
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I have suffered from anxiety for my entire life and my experiences went directly into the creation of this poem. Just like a river, where the bends and curves make it impossible to see the end, it can often feel like I will never recover. It took me a long time to realize that although I will never be completely rid of my fear, I can develop ways to recognize and work through it in a healthy way, which is represented by the final stanza (cloudy sky - no longer a storm siren in my mind). I hope this piece will help other teenagers who are struggling feel seen, and that they understand that they are not alone.