attachment is a feeling so strong,

a feeling so strong that can leave you stuck,

feeling like you’re still next to them,  

even when they’ve gone away.

when you willingly gave them your heart, 

but suddenly, things change 

and you just can’t walk away.

when you try to walk away,  

your heart convinces you to stay.

ignoring your mind convincing you to let go,

even though you know staying will hurt you most.

allowing the feelings to just get more intense, 

losing your sense,

completely shutting out all thoughts that are telling you to let go; that’s when you realize the attachment became too strong, 

but you knew all along 

it would leave you singing a sad song. 

telling yourself you’ve tried but the feelings just won’t fade away, so instead of listening to your mind 

& doing what’s best,

you listened to your heart;

which only left you scarred 

and stuck in regret. 

wishing you would’ve left sooner, 

before you ended up with half of a heart 

with no desire for a fresh start.

Beauty

—

You tell me I'm beautiful each and every day. 

when you tell me i’m beautiful 

Does the inside count too?

inside where i hide my imperfections,

where my hearts a little bruised,

and in where the trauma lives too.

Do you see those things and smile? 

Even though I'm not perfect, that’s what makes me human. 

So flawed and imperfect but do you see the twinkle in my eye when you make me laugh?

Do you see the beauty in me as I try to hide my past?

the past that hurt me deeply and caused my heart to cry

and sometimes makes me feel even a little dead inside.

But I guess you see the life in me

Is that why I'm so beautiful in your eyes?

you don’t look past my flaws and imperfections,

instead you love them so 

because you know I'm only human and I have time to grow.

WHEN YOU’LL FEEL IT.

—-

you won’t feel it until people say they love you but it’s not love.

people telling you they’ll be there but they’re never there.

That's when you start to feel alone and the more you start to feel alone, the more you crave to be alone.

declining every invite just to lay in bed; allowing every thought to hit you where it hurts. 

everyone starts to forget the importance of your existence, and so do you.

you start to feel as if nothing matters anymore.

that’s when the sparkle of your eye can no longer be noticed 

and the smile starts to fade.

you lose all aspiration and the light of your dreams start to go dim.

forgetting the use of coping mechanisms & can no longer fill the voids

of all the loneliness,

and the pressure 

of trying to be okay.

and that’s when you’ll feel it;

when everything starts to fall apart and you no longer feel the desire to put it back together again.

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

—

Attempting to pick up their pieces,

Trying to heal their hearts

But what about you?

It was supposed to begin with you from the start.

Putting a smile on everyone’s faces, 

While you’re left writing down your feelings 

on these pages.

Setting yourself aside 

to provide everyone’s needs; making sure they’re at ease. 

But what about you?

You’ve lost your peace. 

You’re in so much pain 

but you continue to put your feelings aside, 

convincing yourself you’re able to get by, only causing your broken heart to remain; 

like a stubborn stain.

SELF LOVE

—

I had someone once tell me I could never love anyone until I loved myself…

i then thought to myself, so i’ll never be able to love anyone? 

because I don't love myself. 

no, not even a little bit. 

i remember staring in the mirror every night, 

examining every little flaw 

until tears ran down my face & i no longer could push away the thoughts of feeling like i wasn’t enough. 

but still, i sat there

still staring in the mirror

continuing to watch the tears run down my face

wondering when i’ll ever love myself or if i ever will.

and then that’s when i met you.

you were there to remind me how much you adored me, how much you loved me

and i loved you; still not loving who i was.

Instead, I gave you the love I never learned to give to myself, the love I could never give to myself.

and 

that’s when i realized that “someone” was wrong,

i could love,

without loving me.

because loving you & you loving me made me forget how much i hated myself.

but,

love didn’t heal me 

or push away the thoughts of me feeling like i wasn’t good enough 

but they were pushed back far enough to where i just convinced myself i’d just keep myself buried in your vision, 

where you see me as that “perfect girl.” 

because you look at me in ways 

I could never view myself.

so don’t leave, stay by my side & continue to love me.

don’t let the love run out 

but if it does.., 

i’ll catch myself staring in the mirror, again..,

wondering why I couldn't be good enough. 

or how i was never good enough in the first place

so maybe, in the end

Self love is important.

TRUE COLORS

—

Why do we force ourselves to see the good in people?

even after they show us a million times they’re no good for us.

but we want them to be.

and maybe it’s who they were in the beginning that sticks with us.

that person we thought was good for us

until they showed us their true colors.

but we ignore the true colors because we’re stuck with who we thought they were.

we convince ourselves their true colors aren’t who they are

but deep down, we know that’s who they are. 

and that’s who they were all along.

it’s so hard to accept,

so stuck in denial.

but sooner or later we’ll finally accept them for who they are and move on even if it takes loving them until we don’t anymore.