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halfway rejection
June 27, 2024
my rancid spices of eastern ways
burn and crash onto her weakened tongue
she spits me out like a foreign poison
her wide open eyes burnt raw
as my half-sunken cheeks season with shame.
she cools off with the taste of her blonded lover
a slight sweet tang from an occident sky
enveloping her charred lips with frosty comfort
her teeth glint down with signs of the sun
as my screams drown amongst whispers of fireflies.
my splayed organs must be stuffed back into my body
ambiguous offspring of a proud immigrant,
too intensely alien for the fondness of a goddess,
too passively contrite for a golden sunflower of my own,
stuck.
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I have always felt stuck in my cultural identity. As a Korean-American, there is a certain pride that comes with having such a rich and strong ethnic/racial background, however, growing up in a white-dominated environment has also caused for feelings of insecurity, shame and rejection. In my relationships and friendships with others particularly, there have been moments where I have felt inadequate or alienated, which has often clashed with the pride and happiness I had associated with my identity when I was young. For many years, I have tried to grapple with these conflicting emotions, and have attempted (?) to verbalize them in halfway rejection. I hope that through this poem can also reach other people who experience a similar feeling or perhaps give insight to people who haven't experienced such a feeling. Thanks for reading :)