Addiction.

Somehow they sense upon my fearless face
the empathy, the silence
you wish to tell me your darkest fears
I'll go ahead and hide them.

Perhaps it's the openness
the inability to lie
the fact that, every one of them has
at one point
seen me cry.

But somehow they can sense
upon my fearless face
some little truth they search for has
at last, found its last race.

And so

bombarded by truths and confessions
drugs, drugs, drugs
no hugs
scared out of their minds
can't sleep at night
no moms to hold them tight
boyfriends beat them
boyfriends cheat them
never knowing if the sun will come up
the next day
never going to the people they most definitely want
to hear them say, 'no.'

Do they hear my no?

I'm screaming loudly in my head
no, no, no, no, no
I'll dream about this in bed
I'll feel the tendrils of their fear
I'll be the one to hold them near
in silence, hear my scream
but those screams are not for you
they're to stop my screams from coming true

somehow they sense upon my fearless face
a truth

somehow they miss upon my fearless face
my utter fear.

so I ran.
I ran away from my friends, the ends, the ever stronger
pull, pull, pull
do drugs,
drink,
drive,
do stupid things while we're high,

no.

so to the preppies, I did go
that nickname that he
mockingly cast upon their face
never knowing that I wished to be among their race
he does now.

Still they followed me.
Those fears of addiction.
And I know, I know, I know
once I'll start, I can't go back
I am utterly addicted to TV shows
I don't want to know what happens with crack.

So here I am,
caught between
these two boys.

One.
The fun, the thrill, the living in the moment
the sentiment, the love,
just when you need a hug, he's there
he cares.

Two.
The safety, the stability, the thought of careful future
the laughter, the love
though carefully thought out, and put between the lines
I think.

One.
The drugs, the rush, the fear
the sense of being caught
at any moment.

Two.
Not yet had the time
to see I am afraid
that I need him.

Somehow they sense
upon my fearless face
and yet they never see
the terror of my race.