You're in a dream
A dream that once was a reality
You don't realize you are smiling
A smile imprinted on your face
Kisses you actually feel
again
the warmth on your skin
the touches you long for
the man you love
the man you could love
the things said
you know cannot be real
but you don't care
as long as they are coming from him
its okay
he looks at you
with those big, brown loving eyes
with all his sincere caring
promising you that he
loves you too
just for a moment you
believe him,
alarm goes off
pictures fade
You open your eyes slowly
a tear drops quickly
you say quietly "its not real?"
you try and fall back to sleep
to just smile
to have him smiling back
its all you wish for on
your birthday
Christmas
anything or any day
it shatters
wont let you back in
you wonder why it cant happen
say "Why me?"
You move your head a little
you wonder why is the pillow so wet
then you realize you are crying
not crying
sobbing
you open your eyes
to the box of tissues beside your bed
the bed he once laid in
the bed you once had your favorite dream in
you grab the last tissue in the tissue box you had bought yesterday
now you sing to yourself
"its okay, its okay",
about a dozen times
just save yourself a little pain
you try and move
frozen in the pain
if you get out of bed
you have to face the world
you face getting hurt even more
not only that
you face the man you once
held hands with
kissed
touched
love
you want to tell him you are here
tell him how you feel
he pulls away more
everyday
you feel the difference in personalities
the love you have for him
the he doesn't have for you
as lay there in bed
you cry at the thought of him
holding you remembering when he said
"you're safe"
when he said "forever"
you sob at the fact of you actually
meaning it
now you move your legs off your bed
sit up rubbing those eyes
those eyes that just had been watching the best movie of their life,
you look up
and you see a tiny inside joke
a little thing that only he would know
exactly what you are thinking about
you let out a sigh
your tissues are gone
last resort is your shirt
when you look down at your shirt
you see its a shirt he gave you
a picture of him in your mind
pops up
a memory of him pushing you
on a swing on a fall day
you finally stand
clean up your mess of tissues
you walk slowly to the kitchen
you throw the tissues
everywhere
as you walk back to the cold room
you fall
don't get up
just falling
no work today
just falling
your eyes are shutting again falling asleep a deep sleep just to see the man you love now you're gone you see him smiling at you saying "you came back to me"