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Confessions of a Girl with Tourette's Syndrome
I can hardly breathe anymore without the pain
The pain that burns through the lining of my throat
Preventing me from screaming
Which from where I'm fighting is all I have left to do
I struggle and I struggle
Against anger and fear
But nothing comes of it
I'm lost in a world
Where more is all there ever is
The future is the only thing holding me together
The hopes and dreams that I once had
Are slowly evaporating into the mist
But you, you save me from this darkened path
What I would do without you, I have no idea
For without you, there would be no light
I can't forget that you are by my side
When things get so hard there's nothing left to do but cry
And I hate crying
I always have
There's just something about breaking down
That's never felt like it was in my best interest
Maybe it was the way I learned
To be stone cold for others
To be that rock that everyone wants to have at their beck and call
And now, I don't know how to lose it
I don't know how to forget myself and feel
I never had a hard life before
I had the perfect family, supportive and kind
Passionate about me and what I would leave behind
And honestly, it can't be that hard now, can it?
I'm not fighting for my life
Afraid of dying in months
I'm not straving
I'm not being abused
I'm not unloved
The soreness in my belly
From this lack that I feel
Might all be because I'm a freak
Afraid of being revealed
But it's something I can't hide
No matter how hard I try
I walk the aisles at the supermarket
Or the hallways at a showchoir competition
And there is always someone laughing
Always someone staring
And no matter who is with me I always feel alone
Because no one knows this pain
Of being a freak in plain sight
A vampire in the daylight
A person who literally barks and bows
Without her consent
A person trapped in a body that used to be theirs
But now has turned into nothing more than a malfunctioning outer shell
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