As I lay in bed alone...
I fall once again under the spell of their ever-present gaze...
Gone, but here...
Lost but found...
Thrown away...
Yet never fully eradicated...

The ghosts of my past haunt me
Return me to the moments I most regret in my life
I turn away,
Afraid,
Afraid of these things,
these monsters of my past.


When I turn they follow,
I cannot be rid of them,
They are mine to bear,
And it is then that I realize that these hated monsters,
Are not of my past alone,
But my present and my future as well,
And in one horrible moment I comprehend that which I always subconsciously knew,
But now was confirmed,
These repulsive creatures which I hated so were not only of my making,
But a living part of me,
I am repulsed and disgusted by what I am,
What I have done.
I have morphed and contorted into that which I despise,
I now suffer in the agony of my choices...


And realize it is the choices we make in this life that define who we are,
Not our nationality, amount of wealth, education, looks, personality, abilities,
but solely our choices. That is the only control we have over this whirlwind of emotions we call life. We are given a body to perform actions and a mind to make the choices that define them, and that is our being.

I have concentrated far too much on what I now realize are the meaningless aspects of life, And have neglected those that mean the most,
Have hurt people I love,
Destroyed them...
Crushed them...