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Before the storm
Standing on the mountain top
Is so very lonely
When there's no one with you
No one but the wind and lightning
And the night is coming far too fast
When the fear starts to grip you
And pulls you back down
Back into your doubts
Your secret little lies
That you even tell yourself
When you're alone in the dark
Hoping for the sunrise
To bring a little hope
And praying for some superficial contact
To remind you
What it is to be human
But there's no contact here
No smiles on the street
No lovers on park benches
Well past midnight
There's just a lonely man
Watching life below him
With no way back down
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This article has 11 comments.
To bring a little hope" you used 'hope' twice, and that sounded repetitive but not purposfully.
I'll read your piece later, but not right now, personal issues.
The poem is...nice. I think it's a litte overdone, though. Not the poem, the concept, of being alone. You're good with your words, and explaining things in a simple way, but maybe you can add a twist to this poem that makes it more unique. Perhaps a characer or an allusion of some sort?
Hope this helps! mind reading one of mine (Stars)?
I love the lack of punctuation here. It worked very well to make the lines blend into each other and you managed to prevent the flow from getting jumbled, which often happens without periods and such. One suggestion I have would be to replace "secret little lies" to "silent/quiet lies," or even "softly-spoken lies"- it sounds more natural that way.
Other than that, well done. I can definitely sense the inspirations in here and the formatting was well chosen.
