I stand cold at the windowsill
gazing at the snowflakes drift
with misty eyes
and an equally foggy feeling
that we were akin;
for I, too, feel aimless
with no idea where I'd started
and where I shall reach
with no control over my trajectory
and so lonely even among so many;
I want to take control
and shape my life
become who I always thought
I would become
But to have faith in my dreams
which are so easy to shatter
so easy to disbelieve
I have to be fearless.
To believe in other people
to know that they will not walk away
and leave me alone in the middle of the street
I have to be fearless.
To nurture the flame
that has flickered to life in my heart
and to put out my hand and believe
that the arsonist will not be the one
to snuff it out
I have to be fearless.
To abandon this caution
that is like a wintry, gauzy curtain
between me and the reflection
that can be mine
to reach out and make the mirror melt away
I have to be fearless.
It is a lightening, yet darkening twilight
of self-realisation;
of growing to know, and knowing to grow
of trusting enough to love, and loving enough to trust
of breathing to live and living to breathe;
a difference so illogical
yet all the difference in the world
between being scared to love, to want
to dream, to desire
and dreaming so much, wanting so much
that you end up fearing everything.
Forever oscillating between these two extremes
forever lost, despite knowing where I am
because I don't know where to go from here...
To love, dream, want and know
to be able to decide where I have to go
I have to be fearless.