someday
will I be able to look back on this
and laugh
say
how silly, trivial
it has been
will you be long gone
your name no more than a silent echo
that resounds
only once and a while
an old forgotten mockingbird call
while I lay in bead at night
or
will you be here still
will we laugh together
derisive and ashamed
no subtle edge of pain
needing still to be numbed
will we be friends
or
will you forget about me
it's hard to imagine
but maybe
by then
I'll forget you too
or maybe
someday
instead of fading
into the graying fields of memory
or trouble will grow to something
good
will you hold my hand
as I read you aloud
this poem
or will this poem be lost
or buried
long before then
will we laugh together
not in spite
but reminiscence
love, even
who knows
will you play with my hair
as I sing you the songs
that I wrote
when I was a silly child
will I be embarrassed
crumple them up
or let them dust beneath my bed
probably
or will I keep them treasured
secret
never to fade
immortalized
but never to be sung aloud either
where will you go
will these words still rip at my heart
with a serrated edge
will things
(please god no)
be the same as they are
as they have been
for much of forever
will you miss me?