when you leave me alone
my mind doubles back on itself
everything matters more
so much more
too much more
I look back on the words
the ones I wrote
then
and I think
I was falling apart
you were ripping me
till my stuffing started falling out
but then
(now)
nothing is fixed
but every drop of pain I didn't cry
every silent scream
seems so unnecessary
such a waste of
energy
and time
but I know
(later)
I will feel the same again
and you will tug at my seams
until my newly sewn edges
start to rip again
but for now
I will enjoy your
non-hate
and revel in my
non-insanity
before it doubles back
again