when the rain runs in criss-cross veins down the window panes
only then
when thunder grabs the house by its shoulders
and shakes it like a scolded child
and the glass rattles in fright
only then
I have truly
saved them for a rainy day
those memories
I don't let them thunder-cloud my mind
don't let them overtake my sunny planes of thought
on normal days
only when the rest of the world reflects them too
my sloshing, muddy
graying
thoughts
will I let them come
let these rank, stale memories return
I will hide under my blankets
listen to the frantic, tapping fingers
of the storm
clawing its way into the house
the bass drum and symbols clash
a marching band in the angry sky
usually
one would save happy things for a rainy day
to bring some sunlight back in
but for me
I bring around the worse of the monsters in my mind
I bring back the painful memories now
so I don't have to deal with them
when I'm already happy