You walked away
And I waited

I even told you I would wait
But you didn’t say you needed me to

So after a while
I stopped

I got up off that cold metal bench of waiting
And walked off on my own

Hoping for greener pastures
Being blessed with only faded brown
Occasional dapples of yellow

My feet grew sore from all the walking

I still hovered by the bench sometimes
Wishing
Hoping
Praying
To a god I don’t believe in

And then I stopped even that
And surprise, there you were

Standing on the bench
Shouting
Jumping
Up and down
Waving your arms

The bench shook with your weight

Your face was lit up
A question in your eyes
“Baby?”

I didn’t take it well
I may have pushed you into a face plant,
On the rough cement

And you were gone again,
Just like that

But I did it to myself this time

You can’t take this blame

So I sat down on the bench
Curled up
And cried

Trying to bury myself in my sweatshirt
But the warm cotton couldn’t save me
From a cold that spread from within

The cold of pain and loneliness
The cold of a mistake

A muddle up that can’t be un muddled
I said I was sorry
But our damage was done

You weren’t ready anyways

So I’m back to hovering by the bench
Wishing
Hoping
Praying
To a god I don’t believe in

Sometimes, I think I see you sitting there waiting
For me
Or someone else

But I’m afraid
So I don’t call out
Don’t say your name

I don’t sit beside you and ask,
Why you’re on the bench

I hover about,
And you sit and fidget
Get up and wander
Come back

As the rain pours down

What are we waiting for?