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Bleeding Mascara

February 1, 2011
By lilmartz PLATINUM, Perrysburg, Ohio
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lilmartz PLATINUM, Perrysburg, Ohio
40 articles 5 photos 163 comments

Favorite Quote:
Live Life Like A Party That Never Ends

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Dark rimmed eyes
Long black lashes
Every time she sighs
Her whole world crashes

Trying to be perfect
Leaving only smudges
Feelings of neglect
Sorrow never budges

Eyes of glass
Fogged up with rain
Hoping this will soon pass
No one knows her pain

She’s bleeding mascara
Don’t you know
Still stuck in this era
She never could let you go

Blackened tears pour down her face
She’s bleeding mascara
How did she end up in this place

© Michelle K., Vancouver, WA

The author's comments:
The title for this poem was inspired by the song, "Bleeding Mascara" by Atreyu. I took the title and created a whole new meaning out of it.
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 14 comments.

Alcanno DIAMOND said...
on Jul. 25 2011 at 6:24 pm
Alcanno DIAMOND, Mexia, Texas
59 articles 0 photos 670 comments

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&quot;If you love life, don&#039;t waste time, for time is what life is<br /> made up of.&quot;<br /> <br /> -- Bruce Lee

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Wow. I can relate to this SO much..... I have a poem kinda like this called "Warpaint" if you wanna check it out :) Thanks and keep writing!!
TheHangingGirl BRONZE said...
on Jul. 18 2011 at 7:36 pm
TheHangingGirl BRONZE, Winter Haven, Florida
1 article 1 photo 250 comments

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&quot;Poets utter great and wise things that they themselves can not comprehend.&quot;

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I relate. Oh my goodness, this is my favorite poem of yours. Bravo! Astounding.
sterotypicalwhitegirl SILVER said...
on Jun. 4 2011 at 11:27 pm
sterotypicalwhitegirl SILVER, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
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Fantastic!
taytay171 BRONZE said...
on Jun. 2 2011 at 1:02 pm
taytay171 BRONZE, Tippecanoe, Indiana
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Love it! Great job.
Kelcillo SILVER said...
on May. 4 2011 at 7:52 pm
Kelcillo SILVER, Flemington, New Jersey
5 articles 0 photos 7 comments

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overall I think that your poem is really great!I only have 2 issues. The first is with your ending.  It seems a bit abrupt. Maybe you could add 2 lines to make it 4 like the rest of your stanzas.  The last stanza is the only other issue I see. "She's bleeding mascara-Don't you know" doesn't flow as well with the rest of your poem.  it just doesnt fit exactly right.  Great job though!!
DancingInTheRain SILVER said...
on May. 4 2011 at 5:17 pm
DancingInTheRain SILVER, Toronto, Other
8 articles 0 photos 5 comments
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I have to agree with everyone else, the poem is beautiful and all of it rhymes exept the last two lines, so it ends really abruptly and leaves the reader slightly confused. Overall it was good.
TanGem PLATINUM said...
on Apr. 2 2011 at 1:16 pm
TanGem PLATINUM, Colorado Springs, Colorado
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This is great. 5/5 and a few suggestions: To improve the rhyming pattern, I think you could delete the word "soon" in the 3rd stanza (there are too many beats in the line and it gets confusing to the reader) and add the word "Her" before "Sorrow" in the 2nd stanza to give it an extra beat (otherwise it feels like it stops dead and interrupts the flow of the poem). The best part is about her being "stuck in this era" because it's very relatable.
Dark_Mind GOLD said...
on Mar. 26 2011 at 10:54 pm
Dark_Mind GOLD, Little Rock, Arkansas
11 articles 0 photos 67 comments

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This was so fantastic.!
biuso9292 BRONZE said...
on Mar. 10 2011 at 10:13 am
biuso9292 BRONZE, Randolph, New Jersey
4 articles 0 photos 1 comment
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I really like it. you're a great writer just the ending i would say is a little awkward. other than that great job. i love it
amandap PLATINUM said...
on Feb. 27 2011 at 10:08 am
amandap PLATINUM, Midlothian, Virginia
31 articles 0 photos 183 comments
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this is really cool! Five stars definitely. You have great rhyme, great rhthym, I feel like the last stanza is a bit off but it still really packs a punch.
Internal-Love PLATINUM said...
on Feb. 23 2011 at 10:06 pm
Internal-Love PLATINUM, Queens, New York
33 articles 3 photos 310 comments

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i could leave a snippet of a comment and say its beautiful; but that would be an understatement.

i think that in a poetic way, you really captured the essence of some of the pain girls feel inside and you took the reader along for a ride.  Now we're just caught in the wave of emotion you've left out for us

BRAVO!!

Jule92xc BRONZE said...
on Feb. 22 2011 at 10:49 pm
Jule92xc BRONZE, Smithsburg, Maryland
3 articles 0 photos 22 comments

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This is awesome! I think you really get the idea of the girl's pain across in a way that makes it real to the reader.
Look_to_the_stars BRONZE said...
on Feb. 22 2011 at 9:25 am
Look_to_the_stars BRONZE, Kentwood, Michigan
4 articles 0 photos 24 comments
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That is really good and it makes you think
DTAsoccerchick BRONZE said...
on Feb. 22 2011 at 7:24 am
DTAsoccerchick BRONZE, Pflugerville, Texas
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This is amazing!!!

like this is seriously good!:)