Lolita | Teen Ink

Lolita

January 25, 2011
By laurenh141 PLATINUM, Milford, New Jersey
laurenh141 PLATINUM, Milford, New Jersey
21 articles 26 photos 6 comments

I feel like a kid
In an adult body,
Stuck.
Nowhere to go, but forward.
No time to thing, just do.
Naivety and stupidity,
Fake it ‘til you make it,
But I never do.

I walk the streets to think,
But they only distract me.
Harsh realities of what could be,
And all that I did here hit me.

Clumsily walking
With my heels in my hand,
My skirt showing a little too much skin,
And my face plastered with war paint.

‘Cause sometimes it’s a cruel world out there,
And sometimes you gotta project who you aren’t to survive.
Sometimes the kindness of strangers isn’t enough to help you get by.

There’s just too much bull s*** in this place,
It engulfs you and suffocates you.
“I need to get away
And you need to get away, baby.”

Any more love is so cheap.
Everyone talks about how beautiful and real it is,
But if it’s so spectacular,
Why can you buy it off the streets?

It’s cold and it’s lonely,
And it kills you inside
To be with all those Jacks, Craigs, and Tonys
Who just make you feel less than human.

No man’s touch
Will ever be the same.
All you can do is hope
And pray things change,
But they never do.

The addiction to powder
And the addiction to thrill
Keeps you coming and going,
But that’s no way to cope,
And that’s no way to live.

Call me a taxi,
And send me home.
Let me sober up for once,
And clear my mind.

I pass out on the couch
And feel the dull pain of depression,
Poking and prodding from every direction.

Finally I let it out,
A loud moan.
My body, my mind, and heart aches,
But I have to be alone,
And I want to be alone.

Give me some pills,
Give me a rope,
Give me a razor,
Give me a window.
Give me a garage,
And give me a car.
Give me a pole,
But this time,
I won’t twirl.


The author's comments:
My friend told me that she had to start working at a club as an exotic dancer, and I was upset to hear this. She's trying to pay her way through college. After hearing this news, I wrote this poem and she is my inspiration, and I just hope she can get out before it's too late for her.

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