I sit here and wonder if he thinks about me the way I do him.
I wonder if he sits in bed at night thinking about me.
About how his friends would react.
About how his life would change
if people knew
who he really was.
Who he liked.
He starts to think about who would stick by him
and who would run.
Would he be judged?
Of course.
But then there's him...
He is accepted.
By the guys
By him.
That doesn't make sense.
He couldn't live like that.
He doesn't mean anything to that boy.
Does he?
Did he even remember him?
No.
He grabs the covers.
Buries his head in his pillow.
And cries.
***
Then there's me.
Thinking the same thing.
About him.
Little does he know.
One night
Just one night.
And it was fate.
But it will never happen.
Because the secrets stay in the room.
The tears only stain the pillow case.
And then it's gone.
Secret desires.
Always....secret.
The life of us.
The life in the closet.
He'll never like me.
So I'll sit here and wonder.
If it's even worth it.
If it's even worth my time.
Hold my hand.
Kiss my lips.
Call me baby.
Lay me down.
Love me.
Cry with me.
Laugh with me.
Take me.
Sleep with me.
Live with me.
Forever.
It's you.
It's you.
It's you.
...
...
...
...
...
...
I've run out of hope.