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The Ocean Waves to Me
The ocean waves to me saying,
Hello, do you like the blues?
I bob my head to the beat saying,
Yes, I do do do do do.
I see palm trees swayin’ along
To the beach’s traditional song saying,
We like those tunes,
Too too too too too.
The cliffs rock the seashore
Asking us if we want to hear more
We bang our heads to the foamy strums
As tides crash onto the rock stars’ drums
The footprints left in the sand
Tap their toes along with band saying,
Oh yeah, Woo hoo hoo hoo hoo.
At the end of the day I was sad to see
The high tides of groupies leave
The spotlight was heading down beneath
The horizon, but that doesn’t mean
That the ocean’s dramatic melodies
Will ever stop playing under the sea
Before I go home from this harmonious place
I remember to put a few sand dollars into the musicians’ case
Making sure they know how much I appreciate
The talented entertainment of this date
I scoop up all the notes that I’ve heard today
Put them inside to stowaway
‘Til they come uncorked and start to play
Message for the next one who’s come to get away saying,
Now the ocean’s song is for
You you you you you.
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This article has 48 comments.
This is an extremely impressive poem. It's much more difficult to create a sense of importance and depth in a cheerful poem like this, but you succeeded admirably.
In terms of critiques:
1) The line "The talented entertainment of this date" stopped me when I was reading. The rhyme felt forced because "of this date" didn't quite seem to fit. I'm sure with your talent you can come up with a replacement or rearrangement of that line that might fit more nicely. As it stands the only value of the line is to provide a rhyme and to possibly suggest that are on a romantic date (though this would seem out of place if it was your intended meaning as there is no previous indication of a romantic situation). You could take advantage of that line to add as much meaning to the poem as each of your other lines did.
Again, loved this poem. And thank you for reading my poem "Ocean Heart."
