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Alive
now that night has tucked the others into bed
and the cat sleeps in the windowsill
will I run naked through the house
moonlight seizing on my flushed skin
when I give it chance between the windows
and, when I have done
I will lay above the sheets and quiver there
letting myself hang loose and open for the thrill
lolling with the sway of the curtains in the breeze
that hang above the cat, who doesn’t wake
and I will whisper to you even though you are not there
and try to recall the shape of your hands
and wonder why I can not cry
as I finger the fraying edges of the bullet hole
in that sweater I was wearing
the night that I died
or rather, the last night that I lived
that night we sat on the cement of the driveway
as the sun tripped and fell into the ocean
and our feet fell asleep
and we made up harmonies to songs on my guitar
and ate popcorn with soy sauce
and caught fireflies with our eyes closed
just to prove we could
I remember that feeling, too
the one of living
that feeling of your blood rushing a little closer to the surface
when you can taste your own heart beating in your throat
I was alive
I was alive when we waltzed to the cicada’s hum
a quilt around our shoulders
candles hanging from the trees
like jewels
or tears
but now I just pretend to be alive
clinging to the sleeve of my memories
draining them of color
like a spider
trying to find that thrill I used to keep
so easily
like a butterfly in the jar beside my bed
that flew away when you were gone
the one I looked for by running naked through the house
when I should be asleep
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Favorite Quote:
"Here I stand, I can do no other."
This has great imagery - I especially like the part about catching fireflies with your eyes closed just to prove you can.
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