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Poems for You
I wish you could’ve seen
the poems I wrote for you:
oh, when I was a little girl I adored you
I thought you were the sun and the sky and the clouds
every word you said would be re-accounted
in stories and stories and stories to so many friends, so many times
and every time my eyes would be filled
with the utter idolization of your wondrousness.
I would’ve traded the moon for you
I would’ve sworn the sun revolved around you
your name spoken was the manifestation of my adoration
I would’ve given anything to be your favorite
I would’ve given anything to be the person:
you went pumpkin picking with
you taped crayon drawings to fridge for
you ran along the beach with
you read stories to.
I wish you could’ve seen
the poems I wrote for you.
the new ones aren’t that great;
they speak of complications
and anger
and confusion,
the innocence of a bright mind
opened to the obviousness of your humanity.
you didn’t believe me but,
I knew your flaws before we met:
I didn’t love you less,
I loved you all the more,
for what a challenge you presented to my curious mind.
but do not underestimate the impact
of a curl tucked behind an ear, of attentiveness, of care, of affection, of absolute doting, of
complete adoration
to a girl utterly disregarded and abandoned
for most of her life.
do not underestimate the heartbreak that comes
when all that attention and care is taken away, and she becomes
disregarded once again.
oh, she understands.
(but do not underestimate her.)
I wish you could’ve seen
the poems I wrote for you:
because I loved you to the moon and back
and, for all it turned out
for all my hopeless idolization of your personality
for all of the apathy filling me when I think of your avoidance
for all your hypocrisy in enacting your principles
for all I promised never again
I still find myself believing in you;
oh, but I wish you could’ve seen
the poems the little girl wrote for you
before she grew up.
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