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Aquarium Requium

November 20, 2011
By BonitaG PLATINUM, Bainbridge, Pennsylvania
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BonitaG PLATINUM, Bainbridge, Pennsylvania
22 articles 0 photos 9 comments

Favorite Quote:
“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”

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I heard a mermaid whisper.
Her pale fingers beckoned me through the
Watery cemeteries to
Caverns where melancholy mythical beings
Exist.

I heard a mermaid whisper,
And you laughed at me,
Because you were too busy
Stuffing your eardrums with
Rubber headphones.

I stretched out my fingers and bony arms
And pretended to have fins.
Pretended to breathe in the
Salty water
That gives life to those who
Have no other worries.

I heard a mermaid whisper,
And I tried to follow her
Into her caverns of airless space
But my lungs broke,
And I was forced to lie
Alone,
Instead of with the coral and abalone shells.

And I am amazed by -how the currents s keep throbbing,
Pulsating through seaweed and murmuring anemones-
I have never seemed to notice its
Majesty before.

I heard a mermaid whisper
And it broke my heart,
Because my muscles have now fully
Exhausted themselves from my attempt
To become a mermaid too.

A song beats in the underwater channels
And my heart has ingrained
The seaweeds rhythm into my own pulse.

I write the requiem of the aquarium
And find myself breathing to the rise and fall
Of the waves crashing on the shore.

I fell in love with the mermaids whisper,
And now I dance in lazy figure eights,
And walk as if I am still wading through the waves
Because my feet have forgotten about
Asphalt and pavement.

I heard a mermaids whisper,
And I wrote her a requiem.

© Daniel M., Phoenix, AZ

The author's comments:
After a week at the beach with my friends during senior week, I couldn't help but notice the absolute splendor of God's creation.
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 9 comments.

Myrtle25 BRONZE said...
on Nov. 26 2011 at 6:23 pm
Myrtle25 BRONZE, New York, New York
2 articles 0 photos 12 comments
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That's so cool! :) It's impressive how much thought you've put into this poem. I still think you could make your views of the ocean as "aquarium" more explicit in the poem itself, but I still love the whole thing.
BonitaG PLATINUM said...
on Nov. 25 2011 at 4:12 pm
BonitaG PLATINUM, Bainbridge, Pennsylvania
22 articles 0 photos 9 comments

Favorite Quote:
“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”

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Thank you! I wanted to take a more abstract view of the ocean by describing it as an aquarium because I think that when we think of the ocean, we are so easily enraptured by seeing the elementary things: sea, sky, waves, trees, and because of this, I thought it would be better to describe it as an aquarium, because we will always only have that surface view of the ocean. Like an aquarium where you look at fish, you can only ever get to a certain depth of understanding, and so by using the word "aquarium" I wanted to make the reader understand that they-and I-only have a certain level of understanding and looking at the ocean. Thanks so much for the feedback!
Myrtle25 BRONZE said...
on Nov. 25 2011 at 12:41 pm
Myrtle25 BRONZE, New York, New York
2 articles 0 photos 12 comments
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I love your use of language in this poem, it's gorgeous! I kind of have a similar question, though- why do you make reference to an aquarium- is that supposed to describe the way humans view the ocean? it didn't seem clear when most of the poem referred to it as the ocean. I think you could develop the idea of an aquarium more.
literaryaddict PLATINUM said...
on Nov. 25 2011 at 8:47 am
literaryaddict PLATINUM, Albuquerque, New Mexico
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OK, I get it. I really like your thinking behind that, and it's cool that you use that word that way!
BonitaG PLATINUM said...
on Nov. 25 2011 at 8:11 am
BonitaG PLATINUM, Bainbridge, Pennsylvania
22 articles 0 photos 9 comments

Favorite Quote:
&ldquo;The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.&rdquo;

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Thanks so much for the constructive feedback! I love getting people to critique my writing, and so when you asked me about my choice for requiem I was happy about it. Don't stress. Okay, so my rationale for using the word requiem is that now the world views nature and the whole artsy environmental views as something that is sub-par. I mean, it is getting to be a bigger deal for some, but for the most part any zeal for saving the environment-and thus having to DO something like recycle or eat healthily-is less than popular. Thus, when I use the word requiem, I'm not trying to say that the mermaid is dead, but more our attitude about the environment is dead because we are too apathetic to care about changing. I hope that makes sense, sorry about the lengthy answer!
starlightstarbright PLATINUM said...
on Nov. 23 2011 at 10:33 pm
starlightstarbright PLATINUM, Hoffman Estates, Illinois
25 articles 0 photos 13 comments

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Maybe it's just me, but I picture a lonely girl who wants to dive into the ocean, escape her worries. And the "you" spoken about is a boyfriend or family member that cannot see past the latest gadget, etc.

 

swiftheart GOLD said...
on Nov. 23 2011 at 9:12 am
swiftheart GOLD, Houston, Texas
17 articles 5 photos 81 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;If someone were to pay you 10 cents for every kind word you ever spoke and collect 5 cents for every unkind word, would you be rich or poor?&quot;

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if you could, please read and comment on some of my poems.

 

swiftheart GOLD said...
on Nov. 23 2011 at 9:12 am
swiftheart GOLD, Houston, Texas
17 articles 5 photos 81 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;If someone were to pay you 10 cents for every kind word you ever spoke and collect 5 cents for every unkind word, would you be rich or poor?&quot;

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I could tell that you are a bieng of deep thinking, very intelligent and a mind full of creative ideas. I love your poems.
literaryaddict PLATINUM said...
on Nov. 23 2011 at 12:42 am
literaryaddict PLATINUM, Albuquerque, New Mexico
23 articles 3 photos 157 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;We&#039;re almost there and no where near it. All that matters is that we&#039;re going.&quot; Lorelai Gilmore, Gilmore Girls<br /> &quot;The whole theory of modern education is radically unsound.&quot; Lady Bracknell, The Importance of Being Earnest, Oscar Wilde

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I love this poem! The rhythm and the repetition are great. I just don't understand your use of the word "requiem". Is the mermaid dead? I also don't understand why you said "I write the requiem of the aquarium". Requiem means a mass for the dead. Is the aquarium dead too? I'm not trying to challenge or criticize, just understand. Could you explain it to me? Thanks and keep up the awesome writing!