He hates it when I do this
How sometimes I simply WILL NOT eat
But I had to stop vomiting, it was getting out of control
Sometimes, the pain still lingers and I want to do it anyways
Sometimes I throw up by accident and can’t hold anything down
The smell of food around me is so enticing
I could grab each biscuit and eat them all
But I can’t, I have to be thin
Why can’t he understand that?
I do sit-ups at night
But exercise seems to be doing little
I was 168 last week
I’m 162 as of yesterday
I want to be 155
He says, “this isn’t healthy”
But I have so much energy
All of me wants his kisses
Which are so much more satisfying than biscuits
I’m not like those little bird girls
With ruined hair and brittle bones
I’m still me
And completely invigorated
Where my stomach is empty, he fills me
Where there is pain, his touch soothes me
I long to feel his skin against my own
To cuddle and end this starvation
He’s skin-starved too, you can see it when his eyes glow more yellow than green
My scent is a drug to him
My touch is like a life-line for him to cling to
I need that life-line too
To cuddle up against him and melt myself right into him
He needs me, but he doesn’t know how much I need him more…