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Fearless
The quiet girl
Who felt so small
Finally felt brave enough
To let herself fall
The popular boy
Her heart, he took
Made her stupid enough
To forget to look
The star-crossed girl
Who felt so confused,
How could she let herself
Be so used?
The flattered boy
Who kept leading her on
Even though he knew,
He was already gone
The wondering girl
Whose heart, he’d stolen
Why would he want something
He’d made so broken?
The greedy boy
Who lied to her face
Thought he’d keep her heart
Just in case
The smart girl
Whose life, he tore apart
Did she have the strength in her
To let herself depart?
The cautious boy
Who saw her slipping away
Would she still love him
By the end of the day?
The torn girl
Who saw him on his knees
Would she forgive him
If he only said ‘please’?
The shrewd boy
Who held her in his arms
Would she see through
His meaningless charms?
The guarded girl
Her heart, she held tight
And tried not to let it shatter
When she saw the wretched sight
The other girl
Hand in hand they walked
Her eyes alight with laughter
As the boy whispered ‘caught’
The wounded girl
Her eyes filled with pain
She turned to walk away
Not stopping as he called out her name
The wretched boy
Did she know better?
Were his words deceiving enough
Or would her heart
Protect her?
The angered girl
Finally looked him in the eye
And the first thing she did
Was ask of him
Why?
The weak boy
Could only stutter a reply
And all the girl could do
Was give a sigh
The strong girl
Who wouldn’t let herself cry
This was it
She had to say goodbye
The girl was terrified
As she slowly pulled away
She lingered for a moment
Before a voice whispered
‘Today’
She had tears in her eyes
Her legs trembled as she walked
But she knew she could do this
As she took a step forward and whispered
‘Fearless’
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This article has 18 comments.
This was terrific! I loved it, especially since it told a story from so many different point of views...I sorta interperted that all the different characters knew each other and that this was an intense web of romance...you know, instead of a love triangle it was a love tangle, but I may have been wrong.
Now somethings did stick out to me:
First, you tend to have some stanzas in the active voice and others in the passive voice. It would be better if you chose one (active is usually the stronger voice) and used that consistenly throughout the entire poem. For example, the first stanza is in active voice, but the fifth is in passive voice. So maybe change the fifth to make the voice consistent throughout.
Second, there are somelines that I found could be re-worded in order to make them a bit stronger.
Fifth stanza, line 4: He'd left so broken...or he'd broken beyond repair.
Ninth stanza, line 4: after he said "please"? (He was already on his knees so it seemed as though he is saying please.)
That was all that really stuck out so very nice job!
This was terrific! I loved it, especially since it told a story from so many different point of views...I sorta interperted that all the different characters knew each other and that this was an intense web of romance...you know, instead of a love triangle it was a love tangle, but I may have been wrong.
Now somethings did stick out to me:
First, you tend to have some stanzas in the active voice and others in the passive voice. It would be better if you chose one (active is usually the stronger voice) and used that consistenly throughout the entire poem. For example, the first stanza is in active voice, but the fifth is in passive voice. So maybe change the fifth to make the voice consistent throughout.
Second, there are somelines that I found could be re-worded in order to make them a bit stronger.
Fifth stanza, line 4: He'd left so broken...or he'd broken beyond repair.
Ninth stanza, line 4: after he said "please"? (He was already on his knees so it seemed as though he is saying please.)
That was all that really stuck out so very nice job!
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Favorite Quote:
"There is only one god, and his name is death. What do we say to death but 'Not today' " <br /> -Syrio Forel, A Game of Thrones