Wow, thank you so much for posting this. It must have taken a lot of courage. I know I can relate a lot to this. My dad has been an alcoholic for as long as I can remember. He's a stranger to me. I've seen him 4 times in my life, and I was terrified for each one of those times. His influence on me has made me think that all men are like that, so now I have a hard time trusting them. For some reason I get this automactic feeling that all men are bad guys. That may sound dramatic, but it's true. You're not alone. And don't think your father doesn't love you, he does. He just may not know how to express it in the right way right now. He has a disease. Don't ever lose hope, he may get the help he needs someday.