I dreamed a dream that I hadn’t dreamt to dream every again.
I dreamed a dream today that I thought could never come true.
I dreamed a dream of a place that I remembered, of a place that I loved, and of a place that would only ever exist in my dreams.
I had dreamt of this place in my wildest dreams,

the reality of my life moved so far away from that dream that I gave it up,
pushed it aside,
showed it the back door.

I dreamed a dream today, that I haven’t dared to dream in years.
I dreamt of that dream, and I didn’t quite understand.
I didn’t understand how that dream may come true
at the exact time that I’ve come to terms with the idea that it never will.

I had dreamt of this
wishing that it would happen every single day,
For the past eight years.

When I finally began to accept,
when I finally began to understand that the firm tugging of my heart,
and the pull in my chest for this dream would never stop,
I had begun to let it go.

As a parent slowly realizes that their child will grow older, and will someday leave them,
I had realized that my dream had sailed,
and I should not pursue something that will cause me pain and heartache for the rest of my life.
I had come to terms with my situation,
And I had come to terms with what I wanted.

The constant yearning came less often,
And the bouts of tears would not sporadically appear at any moment.

I had begun forgiving my demons,
And accepting my past,

I had begun looking towards my future with a realistic vision,
I had been okay.

- - - - -

I was told something today that made me dream again.
It hit me so hard to the core that it didn’t quite penetrate at that moment.
The words were uttered,
And I played it cool; as I had before in any casual conversation.
I didn’t show my excitement, and I didn’t show my apprehension.

The turning point didn’t hit me until later,
until I was gone from human eyes,
until no one could see how deeply, and how horribly it affected me.

Like a long lost best friend who you’ve given up on,
You discover they’re alive and you’re stunned into silence.

It hit me, and I cried.
I cried at the idea that it could happen, and how my dream would become a reality. How I would then have to find a new dream, a new vision, and new hope.
I cried because
No matter how much you think something will happen a certain way,
It never does,
And then my dream will be fulfilled,
But it will no longer be a dream,
It will be my reality.

And its well known that dreams always outdo
The reality.

I broke down because
if it doesn’t work out,
I’m back at square one,
but with renewed hope
With renewed disappointment.

The tricky part is
I had begun formulating a new dream
I had begun a new path, and tried to forget the dream that would never happen.

So the question is,
Do I dream the dream I had dreamt so many years ago?
The dream of a school girl who longs for the world, but does not know how to reach it, and what the cost will be?
Do I return to the dream of a dreamer, who wishes for beauty in some of the most unexpected places?
Do I continue a dreamer who believes all people deserve a chance, and is willing to be trod upon to prove that point?
Or do I move on,
Continue my path
Become an adult
Become a rationalist—
Prepared for the worst,
And never quite believing the best.

Does the girl who is no longer a girl, trying to be a women, but not quite there,
What does she do with this matter of heart?

She cannot have both,
Yet she cannot just give up.

Should she dare to hope that there is a higher power,
that there is a good in something?

Should she dream her dream again,
Or should she cast it out
away
into the stars
like the millions of other dreams that dreamers had dreamt
Yet not quite achieved.

I had dreamed a dream, that I pushed away

I dream it again,
Hoping it will not disappoint me like yesterday,
But give me hope
So I may see
That this dream
Is what defines me.