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Sinners Just the Same MAG
July 22, 2013
someone once told me that
shooting stars are nothing more
than angels throwing
away their cigarettes before
god could catch them.
lambs for slaughter,
we're waiting for just another smoke-filled lobby
inhabited with sinners just the same
as you and me.
© Greg K., New Lenox, IL
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION
This article has 35 comments.
Carpe-Caffeam GOLD said...
on Aug. 6 2013 at 11:37 am
I disagree with OldYoungOne; I think that you only need a thought, no matter how incomplete, to spin off a poem from it. And this thought was SO FUNNY. I'd never quite pictured that before :D Awesome job, and congrats again on the Editor's Choice!
OldYoungOne said...
on Aug. 5 2013 at 10:08 am
I liked the poem I just only wish there was more substance that elaborated on the alomost incompleet thought. The ending falls flat. The beginning draws me in though.
kikixkupkake GOLD said...
on Aug. 4 2013 at 7:08 pm
Wow. Such a short poem, but so much said inside it. I loved the beginning, but the ending was what got me. I was like "oh wow! Wait what?" Great job, this poem is a good conversation starter as well as something just to get you thinking. Loved it.
east_of_ada said...
on Aug. 2 2013 at 1:59 pm
aha, i really like this. I wrote something similar about lightening, but I dig most anything about celestial bodies and their relationship to our God(s).
MissExploration BRONZE said...
on Jul. 31 2013 at 5:14 pm
I like how you use the idea of good and bad together. I love the imagery and enjoy how it's short and sweet. Although you may want to put some capitals and some commas, periods, or semi-colons in your poem.
vegetariangirl said...
on Jul. 31 2013 at 3:13 pm
This poem is amazing, i love it. But what i don't like is there are no capital letters, but you can easily fix that.
sophistryxo SILVER said...
on Jul. 31 2013 at 11:43 am
Oh wowzers this is powerul. I love the imagery and anytime people can work angels into their poem I think it's a plus :) Great job!
RozaAlexander said...
on Jul. 30 2013 at 11:32 pm
This just proves the point that a poem doesnt have to be a page long to be great, in my opion its the short ones that a some of the best ones.
CasimirPulaski SILVER said...
on Jul. 27 2013 at 6:33 pm
This has got a lot of OOMPH behind it, and i love the ideas in it! The imagery is delicate but backed by passion. My only suggestions would be to proffesionalize it with proper Caps and if thats not the effect you are going for, atleast the proper nouns such as God? Also i was wondering if the infreuent spacing was intentional or a formatting error? Either way i think it works, but if you are looking for publishing i might clean it up formatting wise! Also the last line "as you and me" could possibly be refined or changed, although i cant be sure. Personally i never love the last lines that i write so i always chop them off! Maybe consider ending it with sinners or something? maybe not :)
write118118 SILVER said...
on Jul. 26 2013 at 11:18 am
Such wonderful imagery! I really enjoyed reading that- it was very thought provoking :D
BlackbeltJames GOLD said...
on Jul. 26 2013 at 9:03 am
It is simple and effective, with great imagery and metaphors, makinge this piece very good. I'd like to point out the lack of capital letters, but I have been told before that not all poets do this; so it is your choice, but I do personally prefer to stick to the grammatical cliche.
The title is also appealing as it is unique and intriguing, well done :)
The title is also appealing as it is unique and intriguing, well done :)
WriteOrWrong BRONZE said...
on Jul. 25 2013 at 11:05 pm
Sorry for the spelling errors. Stupid technology makes it so difficult to type.
WriteOrWrong BRONZE said...
on Jul. 25 2013 at 11:03 pm
If the potential of this piece was in a bottle it would be so close to bursting!abgel throwing away their cigarettes, what a beautiful image you have conjured up. I feel like there are so many awe- inspiring and thought privoking ideas that could be taken from this piece but the wording and the format could be improved. You're putting these superlative images put there but around the beautiful parts you have plain wording. Try to make the whole poem give justice to the potential beauty it could hold. 'Anothwr smoke filled lobby!' ah, SO much potential!
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