My computer don’t work.
Looks like I’m gonna need to call the techno dork.
Last time they gave me a piece of cork,
and told me to eat it with a fancy fork.
I wonder if now they are gonna give me a piece of pork,
and tell me to eat it with a cheap plastic spork.

So I called up the guy at Staples.
He asked me if ever I had seen Anne of Green Gables.
I said no but, I had heard the fables,
that they were havin a sale on computer tables.
He said, “Man look at them low price labels!”
I said ‘Yo, I ain’t lookin for no computer tables!
Just listen to me now:

My computer seems to be dead,
so be glad your name ain’t Fred,
or I would tell you to get the heck out of bed!
When my computer died in the middle of a PowerPoint presentation, my face turned red.
They asked me “What happened Ted?”
So do you have a way to fix my computer or, should I take a aspirin med?!
I just ate but, I still need to be fed.
Cause my computer seems to be dead.

The man said “Well, perhaps it’s a problem with yo hard drive.”
I said ‘Excuse me, don’t give me that fancy jive!
I have never seen a rock band live.
Into the deep end of the pool I rarely dive.
Instead I figure that I should always strive!’

He responded with: “What the heck?!
We ain’t tryin to build no deck!
I, in my spare time listen to Bela Fleck.
Your computer must be in a wreck.
You are gonna need someone from the department of tech.”

I said ‘what?! You work at a freaking computer store!
I need help, that’s what I was callin for.
Owwwwww, my foot just got smashed by a garage door!”

He said: “I am only a cashier!
So, I am not asking you to get me a beer.
Don’t ever call me a queer,
just cause I said your computer is dead, I fear!”
I yelled in the tellie:
My computer seems to be dead,
so be glad your name ain’t Fred,
or I would tell you to get the heck out of bed!
When my computer died in the middle of a PowerPoint presentation, my face turned red.
They asked me “What happened Ted?”
So do you have a way to fix my computer or, should I take a aspirin med?!
I just ate but, I still need to be fed.
Cause my computer seems to be dead.

The man said “Man, keep your voice down!
You are makin me look like a stupid clown!
My boss always got on a frown.
So how bout you leave this town!”

I responded with: ‘k, you are wasting my time.
We must look pretty dern weird, always breakin a rhyme.
So good bye,
I hope you sometime stumble and die.
I will call another guy, or another computer I will have to sometime buy.’

So I hung up the phone.
My dog brought over his nasty bone.
When he dropped it, I kicked it at the small remote control drone.
It kinda hurt so I began to groan.

I now searched the phone book.
Ray’s Hardware, Ben’s Eatery, and the Home-style Cook.
‘Where’s the computer store?!’ I didn’t know where to look.

Finally, I found the number for Best Buy.
Someone picked up the phone- it was the voice of a guy.
I somehow knew he wasn’t wearin no tie.
When I saw one, I swatted a fly.
Then a baby next door began to cry.

He said “Hello, this is Rob, how may I help you?”
Outside the cows began to moo.
I was glad that I had never caught the flu,
but my face had once turned blue.
I then decided to tell him what was true:
That I had never in my life sniffed glue.
He asked me: “What do you want me to do?”

I told him with a straight face:
My computer seems to be dead,
so be glad your name ain’t Fred,
or I would tell you to get the heck out of bed!
When my computer died in the middle of a PowerPoint presentation, my face turned red.
They asked me “What happened Ted?”
So do you have a way to fix my computer or, should I take a aspirin med?!
I just ate but, I still need to be fed.
Cause my computer seems to be dead.

“Perhaps your computer ran out of battery life.
Do you got a pocket knife?
Or are you one who sits around all day playing a fife?”

‘What’s this got to do with my call?
It’s like when I throw a tennis ball,
My dog runs the other way then then stumbles and falls!
That dumb dog, I should take him to RAWL!
Can’t even catch a freakin tennis ball!

He asked: “Do you want my help or not?”
‘Yes.’ I responded ‘when it comes to computers, I’m as dumb as a pot.
Things like this seem to happen to me a lot.
I have just never really been taught.’

After a while, I hadn’t even gotten a mile.
I had talked with Rob and a man named Kyle.
I sure as heck wasn’t at Lowe’s to find no tile.
I looked at the picture of my girlfriend, she had on a pretty smile.

A bit latter, I decided to plug my computer in.
When the windows symbol came up, my girlfriend began to grin.
I yelled out: ‘MY COMPUTER WORKS, LET’S GO GET A THING OF GIN!’
My friend Ben has a heck of a tin grin!

(Trust me, I know watcha thinkin: “OMG,
that was a heck of a rhyme!
Perhaps I got a bit of time. (yo)
Might be a bit of a crime,
that I ain’t got no dime!)

Now, I am done complaining about this thing we call technology.
So, you can now go to your class of Biology.
Just one more thing that I feel I should say:
Technology- it’s gonna take us,
it’s gonna make us,
it’s starting to bake us!

I see people walkin around, their hands attached to their screens.
It’s takin up the lives of us teens.
So don’t eat too much of them beans. (24/7)

You think you are always in heaven.
Chatting with your friends until eleven.
I’ve seen kids with cell phones at the age of seven.

Now, me not sayin that all this computer jazz is bad.
But, when you are in it all the time, it becomes a bit of a fad.
The way people live their lives plugged in makes me a little sad.

So, when your phone dies,
it ain’t the end of no line.
Trust me, you will be fine.
With your friends you could go out and dine.

So this is peace out!
Try not to ever pout,
When the pour goes out: will it be for long?
I doubt.
But, you might have to take a little different route.
But, it ain’t gonna be too bad; just keep yo head up and stay cool!