Pleading Diagnosis | Teen Ink

Pleading Diagnosis

November 7, 2013
By Katelyn Winter BRONZE, Stony Brook, New York
Katelyn Winter BRONZE, Stony Brook, New York
1 article 0 photos 0 comments

1:58 am
I am choking on my own panic
There are four hours left for me to sleep
I am wasting them
crying
because
somehow the universe is as big
as I once believed my backyard was and
one day I’ll wake up twenty seven and
who will I be?

2:23 am
I have twisted all the sheets
and kicked the dog out of my room
but now I wish he was here
because I think he kept me sane
each time
I feel I’ve sunk into beloved darkness
I can’t breathe
like my body doesn’t trust itself
and sleep is another way to die
I throw myself out of bed
pace to outrun the clock

3:11 am
I clench and grind my teeth
I feel morning in my bones
they want to wake up
I force myself back down
like it’s an operating table
and someone just needs to splice the right vein
I imagine the ocean
they say it’s how you relax but
they don’t know the ocean is inside of me
the waves
are crashing against the walls of my stomach
I am seasick
saltwater
is streaming out of my eyes
I want rescue
I want someone to offer me
a hand clutching a prescription
to tell me what type of crazy I am
and then help me fix it
so the words good-night
don’t sound like a death sentence
I can’t let the fear of the night
burn like bile in my throat
anymore
I can’t keep emptying myself
When I feel too full to sleep.



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This article has 2 comments.


Kamana BRONZE said...
on Nov. 11 2013 at 8:37 pm
Kamana BRONZE, Carlisle, Pennsylvania
4 articles 0 photos 30 comments

Favorite Quote:
Everyone deserves to be loved, even if they can't find it in them to love themselves or anyone else for that matter.

This is so good! My fav line: I'm seasick, saltwater is streaming out of my eyes. Really great comparison. Could you check out some of my work too and tell me what you think?

on Nov. 11 2013 at 7:24 pm
CantDeleteThis, New York, New York
0 articles 0 photos 11 comments
Oh, my, god. Seriously, this needs to be published on Teen Ink Magazine, I really look forward to reading more poetry from you. This poem was really awesome.