My self-hate does not mean I hate you | Teen Ink

My self-hate does not mean I hate you

July 22, 2014
By benedict-frickfrack BRONZE, São Paulo, Other
benedict-frickfrack BRONZE, São Paulo, Other
3 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
"I think hell is something you carry around with you. Not somewhere you go."-Neil Gaiman


We'll be just fine
After you excuse my stutter
And my excessive apologies
And my sleepless nights
Thinking that I've f***ed up
After you accept that my self-hate
Doesn't mean I hate you
After you understand
That when I cut
I only mean to hurt myself
After you understand
That most nights are bad nights
And that I am not
Your all-smiles kind of girl
After you understand
That it is not my fault
That I got this sickening soul cancer
After you realize
That my body is fighting itself
And that my happy chemicals are just
Not enough
and I constantly think
that this makes me
Not enough
After you understand
All of that bloody mess I am
All of that f***ed up thing I'm dealing with
After you understand
That I am not fine
After you understand
That, despite all
I still love you

After you understand
All of that
Then, maybe, we can work out.


The author's comments:
To my beloved ____,
It's not you that I hate.
It's myself.
(A little poem about loving someone when you have depression)

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