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Sleep
August 23, 2014
Sleep, what does it do? Sleep, sleep. Why do I need you? Do I have to dream? Is that not everything? You give me power, Restore my strength. But only so it can go away. Sleep, Sleep. Why do I need you? Sleep, what do you do?
© John B., Philadephia, PA
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This article has 3 comments.
L.J.Barnes. GOLD said...
on Dec. 1 2015 at 9:13 am
You said you had a problem flowing. Often times in terms of poetry, the flow isn't as much about the rhyming but the syllables of each word. Your flow was actually pretty good, but I think a bit more indepthness would tell a much better story. Keep writing!
I feel like this poem could use more depth. Delve into the topic of sleep; there's so much you can do with it. Also, line breaks help a lot when it comes to flow, and helps you sort out your ideas. Other than that, you've got a pretty good foundation to build upon. Keep writing! :)
Crystallite BRONZE said...
on Sep. 27 2014 at 4:06 pm
i like this poem a lot. nice perspective and thoughts on sleep, now i am wondering XD Awesome poem ! ;-D
I was bored, and kinda sleepy. So I came up with this poem....
I know it's good, but i didn't know how to make it flow.