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You're Gone

August 27, 2014
By Starlight99 BRONZE, Somewhere, Other
More by this author
Starlight99 BRONZE, Somewhere, Other
1 article 0 photos 18 comments

Favorite Quote:
I&rsquo;ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. &ndash;Maya Angelou<br /> <br /> The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why. &ndash;Mark Twain

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I remember the night as clear as day
I remember the phone call
Every word
Every phrase
It felt like the world stopped spinning for a minute
A pain worse than a wound from a bullet

Sitting on the porch staring at the stars I once loved
Only reminds me of the pain
It only reminds me of the words they said
As they spin around and around in my head
The fact that you're gone is so hard to accept

We used to talk
We used to laugh
You were my friend you can't replace what we had
So now as I sit here alone I'll say a silent prayer
Let the tears fall and ask God to take away my despair
And take comfort in the fact that you're in a better place
Even knowing that can't take away this pain

© Allison H., Vancouver, WA

The author's comments:

Dedicated to my Aunt Clara.

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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 17 comments.

BeautyWhispers PLATINUM said...
on Nov. 24 2014 at 1:03 am
BeautyWhispers PLATINUM, Nevada City, California
21 articles 0 photos 98 comments

Favorite Quote:
Be Yourself, Be Unique, Be Me. :) - By BeautyWhispers

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I loved this very much and I really liked how it described your heart ache so well. Great job!
Starlight99 BRONZE said...
on Sep. 16 2014 at 10:24 pm
Starlight99 BRONZE, Somewhere, Other
1 article 0 photos 18 comments

Favorite Quote:
I&rsquo;ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. &ndash;Maya Angelou<br /> <br /> The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why. &ndash;Mark Twain

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Thanks :-)
Starlight99 BRONZE said...
on Sep. 16 2014 at 10:23 pm
Starlight99 BRONZE, Somewhere, Other
1 article 0 photos 18 comments

Favorite Quote:
I&rsquo;ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. &ndash;Maya Angelou<br /> <br /> The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why. &ndash;Mark Twain

View profile
Thanks :-) I have more songs and poems that I'm thinking about posting.   
Starlight99 BRONZE said...
on Sep. 16 2014 at 10:21 pm
Starlight99 BRONZE, Somewhere, Other
1 article 0 photos 18 comments

Favorite Quote:
I&rsquo;ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. &ndash;Maya Angelou<br /> <br /> The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why. &ndash;Mark Twain

View profile
Thanks :-) I'll fix that line. :-)
WinterRose76 SILVER said...
on Sep. 16 2014 at 1:35 pm
WinterRose76 SILVER, Ok., Florida
6 articles 6 photos 183 comments

Favorite Quote:
Arise and be all that you dream - Flyleaf

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I love how emotional and heartfelt your poem is, as well as how smoothly it flows. Nice job! 5/5 
MalaikaJ GOLD said...
on Sep. 13 2014 at 3:47 pm
MalaikaJ GOLD, Cloquet, Minnesota
19 articles 2 photos 127 comments

Favorite Quote:
I love writing. I love the swirl and swing of words as they tangle with human emotions. - James Michener

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This was a great poem. I especially liked how you started with the phone call and how you reacted before letting us know what happened. You should put more work on TeenInk!
KaavyaM SILVER said...
on Sep. 12 2014 at 9:35 am
KaavyaM SILVER, Hyderabad, Other
9 articles 1 photo 47 comments

Favorite Quote:
To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.

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Hey, this is a great poem, and one you should be proud of. Emotion really shines through the words. My only feedback would be to improve the line 'You were my friend you can't replace what we had', andpossibly introduce a line break between the two clauses.
Forever SILVER said...
on Sep. 4 2014 at 3:57 pm
Forever SILVER, Flint, Michigan
7 articles 0 photos 38 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;A failure is not always a mistake, it may simply be the best one can do under the circumstances.&quot;<br /> B.F. Skinner

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The poem was beautiful, no doubt, but stronger wording and more emotion would be substantial in the improvement. I didnt feel like I was as connected to the story as others in my opinion but it was great nonetheless
Forever SILVER said...
on Sep. 4 2014 at 3:55 pm
Forever SILVER, Flint, Michigan
7 articles 0 photos 38 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;A failure is not always a mistake, it may simply be the best one can do under the circumstances.&quot;<br /> B.F. Skinner

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thats really great advice on your part, the metaphor thing totally makes sense, i think ill use that sometime  
Starlight99 BRONZE said...
on Sep. 2 2014 at 8:10 pm
Starlight99 BRONZE, Somewhere, Other
1 article 0 photos 18 comments

Favorite Quote:
I&rsquo;ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. &ndash;Maya Angelou<br /> <br /> The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why. &ndash;Mark Twain

View profile
Thanks :-)
Starlight99 BRONZE said...
on Sep. 2 2014 at 5:17 pm
Starlight99 BRONZE, Somewhere, Other
1 article 0 photos 18 comments

Favorite Quote:
I&rsquo;ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. &ndash;Maya Angelou<br /> <br /> The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why. &ndash;Mark Twain

View profile
Thanks for the advice :-) 
PureDrawings BRONZE said...
on Sep. 2 2014 at 4:08 pm
PureDrawings BRONZE, Chandler, Arizona
3 articles 43 photos 230 comments
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I cried after reading this, hits home. You are really good at capturing emotion
BrightBurningCampeador PLATINUM said...
on Sep. 2 2014 at 11:58 am
BrightBurningCampeador PLATINUM, Portland, Oregon
42 articles 11 photos 333 comments
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I think my biggest piece of advice for this poem is: never use a simile when you could be using a metaphor. This is a rule that I try always to follow in my writing. Metaphors are much more powerful than similes. They allow the the comparisons to meld seamlessly into the rest of the poem.   On a more general note, I think that this poem's language is too heavy. There are too many unnecesary words and prhases. Poetry should soar, but this pem has a bit too much baggage for that.   Nonetheless, this is a beautiful poem, and you should be proud of it. Keep working!
BThomas1313 SILVER said...
on Sep. 1 2014 at 7:03 pm
BThomas1313 SILVER, Vanceburg, Kentucky
5 articles 0 photos 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;There are much greater things ahead than any we might leave behind&quot; ~C.S. Lewis

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I like this poem, but I feel like it could be made stronger with a better word choice. My teacher once told me that poets should say in one word what most people say in five. Just remember good poetry can always be better! You have a great start :)
Olivia-Atlet ELITE said...
on Sep. 1 2014 at 11:29 am
Olivia-Atlet ELITE, Dardenne Prairie, Missouri
325 articles 10 photos 1165 comments

Favorite Quote:
"To these the past hath its phantoms,<br /> More real than solid earth;<br /> And to these death does not mean decay,<br /> But only another birth" <br /> - Isabella Banks

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No problem! :)
Starlight99 BRONZE said...
on Aug. 31 2014 at 7:48 pm
Starlight99 BRONZE, Somewhere, Other
1 article 0 photos 18 comments

Favorite Quote:
I&rsquo;ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. &ndash;Maya Angelou<br /> <br /> The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why. &ndash;Mark Twain

View profile
Thank you :-)
Olivia-Atlet ELITE said...
on Aug. 31 2014 at 1:10 pm
Olivia-Atlet ELITE, Dardenne Prairie, Missouri
325 articles 10 photos 1165 comments

Favorite Quote:
"To these the past hath its phantoms,<br /> More real than solid earth;<br /> And to these death does not mean decay,<br /> But only another birth" <br /> - Isabella Banks

View profile
Wow, this is really deep and quite frankly, amazing. I felt every word you wrote, and the very poem itself was just OUTSTANDING! I cannot believe how well this is written and how beautiful the diction is! Please keep writing, this is AMAZING!!!!!!!! XD