Sometimes I wonder what it means to be happy. 

  Whether it's to pretend a laugh or pretend a smile. 

     Whether it's to loudly sob or quietly whimper. 

Trying so hard to surround myself with those who shine a little light in my life but eventually, I escape back to the imaginary realm I contain inside my head, where it's just me and you and our enternal love affair. 

I miss you..

       I miss us...

              I miss me...

I miss the tight, little curls in your hair. 

I miss the muscular outline of your jaw.

I miss your enormus nose but the way it felt pressed against mine and the little kisses I'd plant it. 

I miss the way you hugged me or held me, the weight of your arms around my waist, concealed in your sweet embrace. 

I miss your warmth...

      I miss your smile...

                     your laugh...

                           your snores...

                              your attitude...

I miss the way you looked at me with complete love and lust mixed together..

I miss our talks... 

              your voice...

I miss the person I was when we were together.

    She wasn't hurt or scared. 

              She was happy, hidden from the light that now consumes my hopeless and meaningless life. 

   Either way now, 

I'm not happy cause...

      I miss you... 

           And i miss me...

  but I mostly missed us, and who we both used to be.