You endure a sickening feeling that numbs your body
It eats you alive and tears shed like a river from your eyes
It’s getting hard to breathe.
You panic
Your heart is beating uncontrollably and you can’t describe the feeling
Eyes blink
You panic
A triggering event, how minor it was, has set you off
You’re not mad, you are just stiff
Aching in silence, you receive these thoughts, you don’t deny them
It’s what you’re told
Even though it was a “joke”
“You’re not good enough”
“You try too hard”
“You need to eat this”
“You shouldn’t be eating that”
But you’re insecure and what is said confirmed your doubts
You panic
You don’t fit in, you pretend you do
But you realize you’re not good enough
You pause, breathless, and go back to reality

People are laughing, as if funny jokes have been told, a clutter of voices surround you and you feel like they are picking out your flaws.
There not, you realize, but it is planted in your head.
Why can’t you be happy!?

You acquire the new feeling of self-worth
At this point it is about you
Now you feel selfish
You have a great family, support, and do well in school
And again why are you not happy?

You go back all in your head, distracted and disturbed
You again are bilious
And you try to ignore it but it demands attention.

You try to find a talent,
You begin to write down your feelings, it comes naturally
But you still believe it’s not good enough.
After all you taught yourself, no training
But you do it anyways and continue with life

You are stiff
You panic
You have a nerve racking mind
You smile
And move on
As if nothing ever happened.