Why can’t they see my pain?
I struggle
I battle
I die
Day by day.
And still, I’m alone.
The world is against me,
Mocking me with its cruelty.
Snide remarks, offhand comments
Affect me more than they should.
I can’t control it.
It’s like I’m watching from the sidelines,
Helpless.
Their words reverberate in my mind,
Playing back like a broken record.
Ridicule, scorn
I’m not like them.
The world is against me.
Pressures abound
To get a job
To go to college
To have a family
To be normal.
I’m weighed down by their expectations
I carry them like a backpack full of stones
Every day, more are hurled at me
Bruising, breaking
And I’m forced to smile and keep on going
Carrying the weight of their expectations.
I’m helpless, unable to change.
I will never change,
Even though I try so hard.
Why would I suddenly become normal
When I’ve been this way my whole life?
Everything is too much.
The slightest touch is searing, white-hot pain
The lights burn my eyes as if I stared into an eclipse.
Whispers are spoken through megaphones, turned to shouts
And my thoughts are mangled, tangled, indecipherable.
I plug my ears and cover my eyes
I rock back and forth to calm my anxious self
But my problems still won’t go away.
I don’t understand conversations,
And I don’t meet expectations.
Whether remarks are teasing or true,
Sarcastic or serious,
I just don’t know.
Why do they not understand?
Meltdowns
Blow-ups
Anxiety and frustration
They’re not going away.
They’ll always be there.
I can’t change the way I am.
My flappy hands and shaky legs
My little awkward tendencies
I just can’t stop them.
If I do, I might just fall apart
Like a sandcastle dismantled by the tide.
Instead of asking
“What’s wrong with you?”
Help me cope
Help me live
Don’t leave me to die.
Help me.