I wish I could tell you, I wish I could explain. The reasons I don't wear a seatbelt anymore, the reasons I refuse to say amen at the end of a prayer.

 The prayer never stopped. I keep wishing that maybe one day, someone will hear me. A chronic smoker, I must smell like an ashtray. Look at me, look at my burns. I think my burns can tell you more about me than I ever could. Just like Plath, I could never escape this depression as it engulfs me like a wave.

 I'll never get away; I'll never stop drowning. Who could I tell? Who would understand? It's just another dry swimming lesson. I spend my nights looking up at the stars, leaving my curtains open at a certain angle so I'm able to look at the raindrops, the fog, the clear skies. I look up, and I wish I was up there. Stardust, there's really no substance to me. 

 Always praying about the same person. You shouldn't ask me unless you're ready to break down. Daddy, merely a poltergeist who comes around to knock down my house of cards. Daddy, master manipulator. Daddy. Daddy. Daddy. Repeat it. Continue. Never forget his name. The reason for your unhappiness.

 I wish I could learn to put my mother's needs first. Compassion cleanses the soul. It's difficult to pay attention to others when you yourself are drowning. I am terribly neurotic- add it to the list of shortcomings. I am too self-critical, and too self-aware.

 No true substance to me.. as Dickinson said "I am nobody. Who are you? Are you, nobody too?". They are the words I live by, the words echoing and bouncing around in my skull constantly. Nobody. And that's who I am. Reasons I don't wear a seatbelt, reasons I never say amen.