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Have You Ever Cried for Heaven?
Have you ever reached for Heaven?
Because of this, I've walked alone.
They've gorged out their eyes
Blotted out their ears,
Listened without the ability to hear
Soul and spirit driving upward
Too painful to look back down,
Too painful to watch what's left before you.
The gun is a sin, the bullet too
The jump, the fall, the final breathe
Natural bliss too far away
I count the days
Is there no spirit left so pure
as to shed tears for her distance from Heaven?
How many devils does it take to reach someone's heart
these days?
One. Only one.
I want a friend with 50,
500 devils surrounding her yet
unable to wipe the tears away.
I've cried for Heaven
though I'm no angel
and though I try, no wings appear
Where is my comforter?
He's here, but he knows
that comfort is not what I need
If only they could find me,
scripture in hand,
some demon's knife stuck in my back
A smile on my face
that has never been seen before
And the touch of my hand on the earth's surface
Where my mark was made
With a gentle love that is so seldom found
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High School.
It's at this time in my life where I (and many others) wonder about the world around us. What is our purpose? Why are we here? For me, I found a religion that I've found to be true. And yet, there I was, hating life. Each day was hard. I dreaded living. Yet I knew, because of my religion, that I had to endure. I could not end it because my life was not my own to take. I had to be strong. This knowledge brought me into further despair. However, if there is one thing I've learned in this life, It's that if you keep on trying, over time, thing's will get better. And better. And better, until you're back to where you started before you ever fell. Except this time, when you see the hole, you'll know when to jump.
I don't hate life anymore. Really, it's a beautiful thing! I still feel alone sometimes, but I don't have to. No one but I and the Lord may ever know what I am going through, but that's okay. I've found that people will still listen. They'll still give you some advice, a call, and a hug when you need one if you let them know! I suppose a little self reflection couldn't make things worse though... so, I wrote this. It's the best I can do to use words and form them into my own existance.