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I Cannot Keep Living Like This
I cannot keep living like this.
I am standing
on the edge of a
cliff
I cannot keep living like this.
I am filled
with nothing
absolutely nothing
I am empty.
I cannot keep living like this.
I look over the
cliff
and I see
nothing
absolutely nothing.
The cliff is filled
with the same emptiness
of which I am made.
I cannot keep living like this.
The emptiness
it burns
like the fire
I once touched to my skin.
I cannot keep living like this.
But this burn is
not good.
It does not help.
How can empty,
can nothingness,
burn?
How can it feel?
It must not be empty.
It is worse
than empty.
I am worse
than empty.
I cannot keep living like this.
I am constantly
on the edge
teetering back and forth
If I jump
into this emptiness
this sister emptiness
then all of me will be empty
Constantly
Cliff, land?
Cliff, land?
Cliff land?
Cliffland?
It is not a choice
that I can make
on my own.
I cannot keep living like this.
Some people push me closer
and others,
they pull me back.
But I realize
that nobody
else
can make this choice
for me.
This is
Mine.
All mine.
I cannot keep living like this.
I spend my life
peering over the
edge.
Dipping my toes
into the chilly emptiness
swirling them around
like the old me used to
checking the temperature of a
pool
before squealing and
jumping in.
Now I don't check
anymore
I just dive
no matter that there might be
a hard, unforgiving rock
lurking beneath the surface
for i do not care
anymore.
I cannot keep living like this.
Every day I live
n pain
waiting to be hurt
and then waiting
to be soothed.
No.
Forget waiting.
I am in control.
I MUST be in cotrol.
Otherwise,
what am I,
except for a ghost?
A mere shadow,
of the rest of the world?
I cannot keep living like this.
I will not wait
anymore
for people to hurt me
for people to soothe me
I can do it myself
I can even do them at the same
time
by myself
to myself
I need no one.
I am in control.
I cannot keep living like this.
And I keep living like this
teetering on the edge of the
cliff
until I realize
that I
cannot keep
living like this
anymore.
I look out
over the cliff
and I know
I must jump.
I cannot keep living like this.
I must jump
or I
will fall.
I cannot keep living like this.
I do not
fear
I cannot keep living like this.
I just
Jump.
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This article has 2 comments.
This was a metaphor I came up with one day and just let all the feelings pour out...writing is truly my escape when the world becomes too much