sometimes you feel so sad and you can't stop thinking about how sad you are.

and deep down- no, not deep down, right on the damn surface, you know that the word sad can't even begin to describe what you're feeling anymore.

but you keep saying the words sad over and over again. you drill it into your brain and you memorize what people want to hear, and you live the life of a sad person.

but I think the saddest part of the entire thing is the fact that you can look someone dead and the eye and tell them you are sad when you are in fact not sad.

you are breaking inside. you are slowly ripping yourself apart piece by piece but you refuse to believe it.

and you won't say you're anything but sad because once you say it, you've made it real.

so you spend your time thinking about how you can't think about it and pretend you don't feel it biting at your skin like brittle ice in january.

and the reality is, you're not sad. you're scared.