each morning I wake up with a lost disposition
with tiredness sinking itself into my bones
I sit through my classes with a weighted mind
hoping that perhaps one day I can escape standardized tests and spontaneous quizzes

I go home each afternoon and find anything to fill in the void of homework
anything to forget that my friends are not really my friends
and that I should be applying myself in order to get into the right college with the right majors for the right job

I remind myself each day that it doesn’t matter what I want
after all, my family, teachers, and counselors
do not care that I do not want to take a math class senior year or that
I am stressed beyond belief

I am not angry because of the work given to me but
because of the expectations set upon me

when do I get to decide what is best for myself in the midst of SAT scores, personal statements, and final exams?

when will I be able to make my own decisions regarding my own education and my own life?

lately I’ve been feeling like all I am meant to do is create an adequate life for a future that I may not even get to live
and every time I think about how I must complete volunteer hours or the amount of time I spend stressing over the price of an education
I think to myself
I was not put on the planet for this