My hands smell of fire and smoking paper
And my anger burns into the cardboard masks
That I used to cut from cereal boxes as a child
To hide my fear behind pointy teeth
And an even sharper tongue
But it does no good as I crouch in the corner
Wondering why it was me
Wondering why this had to happen to me
Wondering why it hurt so much
To accept that my father never cared about me
And all his words of love were lies
And all his promises were poisonous
And all his nice faces were masks
Behind which he hid his pointy teeth
And a cruelly forked tongue
All your doting, exaggerated letters to me
Were written in the blood and false emotions
That you drained from me to fuel your ego
All your "sincere", tearful apologies to me
Were infused with deception and manipulation
As if a simple sorry could cover over the bites
And remove the venom circulating through me
But now it's my turn to apologize
I'm sorry you can't use me anymore
I'm sorry you were never my father
I'm sorry my hands smell of burning paper
As your lies and false words go up in smoke
And most finally I am sorry that we share the same blood
For I am nothing like you and shall never be so
Because I am not ashamed of who I am
And I am not ashamed of being born into falsehood
I am not fake and I wear no mask
My hands are aflame but not stained by blood
And I will never follow in your footsteps
I will not follow the narcissist way