What am I doing?

Wasting my life away on ash and wishes
Half forgotten promises ticking away
Covering faces in the sand from the hourglass.

Yearning for a superlative was always pointless
When everyone is better, brighter, bolder
When the crux of the problem wasn’t you, it was who you thought was you

and a stupid dream
A girl striving to be heard 
Screaming above the silence when all was needed was a whisper
Making a mess of what was ordinary
Guessing the way forward when she only had to ask for a map
But that would be showing weakness - and weakness is not what you were.

Memories only go so far
Especially when you’ll always be sub-par
To the demands that are made of you and the questions asked
Pressing your voice and your mind into a mask
Forever destined for a life too boring, cut from a mould.