I regret not screaming, not lashing out
At the loudmouth blowhard who dared to speak words of slander and mocking at those who had just recently become the victims of our school.
Words spread like wildfire, whispered into the ears of each and every student or staff that sets foot into the building.
An environment that had once been a safe heaven takes an abrupt U-turn, centuries back into history where racism and homophobia are prevalent, and inevitable.
With the passing of centuries, the same mindset still floats throughout the heads of children, too young, too immature to comprehensively contemplate the weight of their words and their affect on those around them.
They are too oblivious to the world dancing and shifting around them.
They are too childish, mocking the lives, the race, the culture, the sexuality of their fellow human beings.
When walking down the bustling halls on a frantic Friday afternoon, the last thing I would expect is to hear are the words “gay” or “f—“ used with such slanderous intent, ignorance heavily laced into their demeanor and tone.
And yet the words mindlessly fall out of the boys mouth,
drop to the floor,
and shatter upon impact.
It is internally conflicting to resist from stopping in the middle of the boisterous hall and chide at them for their vicious attacks.
I know those words are beyond the boundaries clearly labeled “Unacceptable”.
I hear their snickers as they pass, as if their words were equivalent to phrases paralleling "I hate math" or "School is boring". Their high-pitched voices continue down the hall, but their voices remain crisp in my mind far after they turn a corner, lost in the mob of other students oblivious to what they had just said.
My brain screams to call him out. I want to call his entire gang of five out for their wronging of those rightfully leading the lives they deserve, lives that lack onslaught and unending aggression from conservatives who single them out for differences they have no power in determining.
But I don’t. My voice leaves me. The outspoken words are halted within the depths of my mind, bouncing between my racing thoughts. They remain lodged in the back go my throat no matter how desperately I cough and hack.
For the first time in my life
My voice, My thoughts, My feelings
Evaporate
All that remains in my mind is regret.