I dream in colors that don’t exist. They swirl around me, dancing, as if they had lives of their own. They pass right through me like I’m a ghost, and surround me like a suit of armour. I am the colors.

Red, and yellow. Both, but not orange. Red and yellow separately.

My red screams STOP. Stop, before you do that. Stop, before you say that. Stop, before you make a fool of yourself. Stop, before your friends leave you. Stop, before you’re alone forever.
It’s a stop sign, it’s an emergency brake, it’s anxiety.

My yellow screams CAUTION. Be careful, you might make someone angry. Be careful, you might hurt yourself. Be careful, you might say something wrong. Be careful, you might not be loved anymore. Be careful, you might die.
It’s a yield sign, it’s police tape, it’s anxiety.

Brown, and blue so dark it’s almost black. Sometimes together, sometimes separate.

My brown asks why: Why should you get out of bed? Why should you bother? Why should you go on? Why should you do anything? Why should you care about this meaningless existence?
It’s a wood coffin, it’s the dirt I’ll return to one day, it’s depression.

My blue whispers lies. You know, you’re going to end up forgotten. You know, you really are a failure. You know, your friends pity you. You know, you can’t be successful. You know, you’ll never be happy.
It’s the darkest part of the ocean, it’s the cold depths of space, it’s depression.

Shimmering gold, and layers of magenta on top of an impossibly blue sky. They dance together.

My gold sings to me. Yes, everything is going to be ok. Yes, your friends love you. Yes, happiness is possible. Yes, you fall, but you always get back up. Yes, you are capable of amazing things.
It’s pixie dust, it’s falling fireworks, it’s my joy.

My magenta and blue laugh with me. Remember that time when Ellen laughed so hard water came out of her nose? Remember that time when you were so happy you cried? Remember that time when Zeke slammed into the screen door? Remember that time when your shoe came off during volleyball but you had to keep playing without it? Remember that time when we all ran like idiots across the baseball field?
It’s paint bouncing on a loudspeaker, it’s the first flowers of spring, it’s my joy.

Royal blue and deep purple swirled together, and that color that doesn’t exist. I call it Arden, but I’ve never seen it in real life.

The blue and purple whisper to me. You’re safe. You’re loved so much. You’re so uniquely you, an original. You’re able to light up rooms. You’re worthy of every good thing in this life.
It’s “Moongazer”, it’s a meteor shower, it’s my love.

Arden shouts next to me. I love the sun warming my skin. I love the sound of graphite on paper. I love the way Spanish flows. I love the memories that keep me warm. I love the colors that surround me.
It’s “Out There,” it’s walking down Main Street, it’s my love.

I am colors.