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Under the Same Moon

October 20, 2011
By dontforget GOLD, Cortland, New York
More by this author
dontforget GOLD, Cortland, New York
15 articles 0 photos 74 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The best things in life are left unseen. That's why we close our eyes when we cry, kiss, and dream."

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I can hear the hum
I can feel your veins
Reaching out just to catch your pain

I used to know how to dream
now life flows on, like an endless stream

Melancholy goodbyes

Your tears are just another drop into the sea
Sometimes it's hard to believe you breath the same air as me

So watch the moon-fall on your silent balcony
And I'll gaze too,
If I can blank out the city streets

The same stars above,
day after day
seem different now, as I see your face

I'll cover your fears with my flushed cheek bones
as you kiss me
between the ears

© Jennifer H., Bethesda, MD

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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 30 comments.

dontforget GOLD said...
on Nov. 23 2011 at 7:22 pm
dontforget GOLD, Cortland, New York
15 articles 0 photos 74 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The best things in life are left unseen. That's why we close our eyes when we cry, kiss, and dream."

View profile
Thanks(: thats not h
EmmaNemma GOLD said...
on Nov. 23 2011 at 7:21 pm
EmmaNemma GOLD, The Shire, Vermont
10 articles 0 photos 43 comments

Favorite Quote:
If you think you are a hypochondriac by definition aren't you?

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I really like this poem. I like the way how it slowly transitions from a structured rhyme to more free speak. When I read this I imagined a girl waiting for a soldier to come back home.
ellsieSeraphina BRONZE said...
on Nov. 23 2011 at 7:20 pm
ellsieSeraphina BRONZE, Winchester, Massachusetts
4 articles 3 photos 4 comments
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^^ no problem! Glad to help out! This is really beautiful.
dontforget GOLD said...
on Nov. 23 2011 at 7:10 pm
dontforget GOLD, Cortland, New York
15 articles 0 photos 74 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The best things in life are left unseen. That's why we close our eyes when we cry, kiss, and dream."

View profile
Thanks for your insight! The flushed cheek bones was to portay an embarassment that was more that skin deep..like a warm blush, but thanks cause i never thought of it the way you had. (:
ellsieSeraphina BRONZE said...
on Nov. 23 2011 at 7:01 pm
ellsieSeraphina BRONZE, Winchester, Massachusetts
4 articles 3 photos 4 comments
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Hey dontforget,

I really like this poem. It conveys a lot of an emotion which is easily relatable. First off, the photograph is beautiful. The expression is amazing and the girl is beautiful. (Sorry, I know we're talking about the poem) There are a few parts of the imagery which I don't quite understand, the most prominate of which is the phrase "my flushed cheek bones". Bones cannot be flushed. I think the word "bones" sort of throws off the balance of this work because it makes the narrator sound lifeless ie. emotionless which doesn't fit at all with the highly emotive tone of the other stanzas. If, on the other hand, you used the word "bones" to suggest that the flush was more than skin deep then bravo for the image but perhaps there is a more clear way to phrase it where it wont throw off the balance as much.

Also, I love the image of a "moon-fall" I think that's beautiful.

Thanks for sharing =)

-AngelSeraphina

Jappyalldayeveryday said...
on Nov. 23 2011 at 5:33 pm
Jappyalldayeveryday, Detroit, Michigan
0 articles 0 photos 163 comments

Favorite Quote:
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I like how it rhymes though I don't like some of the description
dontforget GOLD said...
on Nov. 23 2011 at 3:33 pm
dontforget GOLD, Cortland, New York
15 articles 0 photos 74 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The best things in life are left unseen. That's why we close our eyes when we cry, kiss, and dream."

View profile
Thanks:) and yeah as you can tell i'm a "spelling champien" haha jk nah just a typo.
dontforget GOLD said...
on Nov. 23 2011 at 3:32 pm
dontforget GOLD, Cortland, New York
15 articles 0 photos 74 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The best things in life are left unseen. That's why we close our eyes when we cry, kiss, and dream."

View profile
Thank you! That means a lot(:
Loftus GOLD said...
on Nov. 23 2011 at 3:10 pm
Loftus GOLD, Ocoee, Florida
11 articles 1 photo 88 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own, and you know what you know. And you are the one who'll decide where you'll go." -Dr. Seuss

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I like this a lot! Although |I think you meant to put "breathe" instead of "you breath the same air as me" Other than that good job!
ReadWriteBreathe PLATINUM said...
on Nov. 23 2011 at 12:32 pm
ReadWriteBreathe PLATINUM, Pocatello, Idaho
24 articles 4 photos 114 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You have to consider the possibility that God does not like you" Tyler Durden Fight Club

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This is one of the favorites I've read on the site. I love the imagry and the concept. It's very original. You're a really good writer. Great job.