The book The Way I Used To Be by Amber Smith is truly one of my favorite books. I have so many reasons why I love this book and it's hard to narrow it down to one reason, but one of the main reasons I do is probably the main character, Ede. She is strong, sensitive, rebellious, loud, mischievous and loyal. In the story, Eden is raped by her brother’s best friend, Kevin who is 5 years older than her. It happened when she was in freshman year. At that time she wore glasses, sweatpants and was extremely quiet. She is very close to her brother and his best friend, she grew up with them. Kevin was basically her second brother. So when she is assaulted by him, she has no clue what to do. She couldn’t tell anyone… people wouldn’t believe her and probably would get mad that she would say something like that about someone who is basically her family. Ede felt trapped, stuck, ashamed. She also made herself live with that secret for all of high school. She felt like the reason it happened was because of the girl she was, the nerdy cute freshman. So she takes complete u-turn and changes everything about herself. The book follows her life over four years of high school after the assault and it shows her ups and downs and complete turn arounds. Throughout the story, Ede’s positive and negative traits vividly show. This is one of my favorite things I can find in a book, where you get to know the characters as the story evolves.

In The Way I Used To Be, it really shows the truth behind sexual assault. It isn’t all pretty crying, butterflies, and great therapy sessions. It’s heartache and loss and tears and screams and hard work. You make dumb choices and say things you don’t mean to people you love and you feel like you have 0 control over you life. One thing I see in a lot of books that gets to me is when no one shows the true torture of the aftermath of assault. So, when I saw the real raw ache of assault, all I could think was “finally.” Plus, it wasn’t just showing the truth about the aftermath of assault but also that the book is amazingly written. The adjectives used to describe the situations Ede faced really made me feel like I was there with her. Both the writing and the truthfulness of the story are great and exceeded my expectations.

Even with books I love, I do usually find cons in them as well which includes this book. Don’t get me wrong, I really do like this book but some things did get under my skin a little bit. Like how the assaulter in the story, Kevin was barely in the story due to being at college or how you never find out why he did what he did or that after a major part at the end of the book it doesn’t show what happens after that scene… it just leaves you on a major cliffhanger with no sequel!!! I do understand when books end on a cliffhanger and don’t have a sequel. It is up to you to create a book sequel in your head but I just want to know what happens from the author’s point of view!! Although, even with these cons, I still love the drama, the realism, and the grace that is presented in the book.

The reading level of this book I would recommend is 14 and up but it does have some graphic and serious topics inside that may be for older eyes depending on what you read.  If you are triggered by certain things I would do some quick research on the book to see if it would contain something that would make you uncomfortable. I would rate this book a 9 out of 10, like I said it is one of my favorite books. This book has chapters that leave you on edge, some that make you feel angry, confused, sad, glad, and pretty much everything in between. I don’t know the history or story of the author, Amber Smith but it sounds like she is a survivor and that she is writing something that is a very important topic to her. If she is, I give kudos to her for being so strong and writing about such a important topic. I think this book can compare to Girl In Pieces by Kathleen Glasgow. It has serious topics and gives a close up to taboo topics which I enjoy and I think are important like Girl In Pieces (but this book is better than Girl In Pieces, just saying). The main character in Girl In Pieces has some of the same snappiness that Ede does. She is sharp and straight forward and doesn’t stop till she is satisfied just like Ede. They both have had significant traumas in their life but they don’t stop that from living their life in the end. I can see the similarities in these books definitely.

In conclusion, I highly recommend this book. It is packed with relationships, tearjerkers, taboo topics and realistic content. Find out what happens with Ede and Kevin and her life throughout 4 years. I hope you read it and enjoy it as much as me. It made me hooked, there were times when I was reading this book that I didn’t want to put it down till I finished. I hope you feel the same. :)