Imagine being scared or panicked for no reason at all. Not being able to stop the feeling and not knowing why you feel that way. In the memoir, I Don’t Want to be Crazy, Samantha feels this almost every day. I Don’t Want to be Crazy is the story of Samantha Schutz, her anxiety disorder and how she dealt with it.

Samantha Schutz told her story with incredible detail in a style that immediately got me hooked. Instead of  a regular story with dialog and long, extended sentences, Samantha created her story using poems. We are sent into what she saw and felt with many poems combined to give us the plot. The poems chronologically went in order of everything that happened or what she was thinking and gave us an artistic and meaningful memoir. In my opinion, the setup of the story made it more interesting. It allowed the words to easily flow.

This book was written to show everyone who has an anxiety disorder that they are not alone. That what they feel can happen to anyone. Samantha wants to tell the world that it can and will get better, as long as they keep trying.

The intended audience for this book is mainly teenagers to young adults. Her book goes through and describes things that anyone younger might not fully understand and appreciate. There are instances with Samantha's “boyfriend”, Jason, and other school issues that really wouldn’t affect children until their later years. The book is also geared toward anyone who is or has suffered from anxiety disorders.

The tone of the book varied from section to section. In the beginning, Samantha was getting ready for college. She looked forward to getting out of the house, away from her parents, and starting a new life. Samantha was fairly optimistic in that time of her life, she had not yet had a panic attack. In the beginning she had thoughts like, “I’m excited to leave, to start something new,”. Samantha was the same as any other girl going to college, unsure but mostly excited. As time went on and panic attacks slowly crept into Samantha's life, she became more fearful, scared, and distressed. She was afraid of so many things. “So afraid to go outside, to be happy, to be with other people because they do not understand what it is like.” Slowly, the anxiety disorder began to take its toll. Battling the anxiety, Samantha wanted to be strong. Yet, while Samantha’s tone was so full of fear and pain, there were also a few glimmers of hope and determination.

Samantha wants to make sure that everyone knows that there is help, that the anxiety can get better. This book includes the awful times Samantha had to endure, but it also follows the times when she got help and how she started to change her life. I Don’t Want to be Crazy almost pushes you to go get help if you have similar problems. Samantha Schutz knows what life with an anxiety disorder is like and wants to make sure that other people are able to get the help they need and not have to go through what she did.

There are two important sections of the book I Don’t Want to be Crazy. The beginning of the book walks the reader through the time when the attacks first come over Samantha and the pain that she feels. She does the same thing over and over again. She goes to class, begins to shake, fakes a coughing fit, goes to the bathroom, and sits with her knees up to her chest. This part of the book does a remarkable job of telling the reader how unbearable and uncomfortable panic attacks can be. Towards the middle of the story, Samantha got help and slowly began to recover. She stated, “My psychiatrist thinks I am better, I think I am better. I am counting down the days until I finish tapering off my meds.” This was a significant accomplishment for Samantha based off of what she has been through. This part of the story tells the reader that yes, it is possible to get better. This was a very important time in Samantha's life.

I believe that Samantha Schutz has done an extremely good job at achieving her purpose, which is to let others know that they are not alone and recovery is possible. The story that she tells and the description that she gives truly opens your eyes to see that this can happen to anyone anywhere. Her setup was unique, and her story is relatable. There are multiple times in the book that she talks about going to and talking to her therapist. She even mentions once or twice that they have given her a large amount of support. Help is needed in order to recover, and Samantha wants to make sure that others do just that.

I would very strongly recommend this book to others and in fact, I already have. Even if you don’t have an anxiety disorder, this book opens your eyes to what others may be going through. The book showed me that we shouldn’t judge others because of their actions or appearances because we don’t really know what they are experiencing. It was easy to get into the book and the book taught me so many life lessons. Samantha showed a remarkable amount of strength throughout her book, even if she didn’t realize it. And the fact that she opened up this part of her life to the public for the benefit and help of others is even more remarkable.