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9
Cinema Eye with Masai: 9
Acting: 2/4
Writing: 1/4
Directing/Visuals: 3/4
Total: 2/4
“‘9 shouldn't have made the Hollywood jump”
How many of you as children owned Beanie Babies?
How many of you had them act out saving the world
and battling man-enslaving robots? Just
me?… Well, “9”, the debut movie from director
Shane Acker and producers Tim Burton and Timur
Bekmembetov, comes as close to that vision as it
can possibly can get, but it just can't live up to the
potential of the kick-a** trailer. Although
the visuals are some of the best and most creative
I've seen in any film in recent years, the writers
didn't do as many original things with the story and
script to make it more than post-apocalyptic eye
candy.
A scientist creates “peace keeping” robots and the
leader decides that the best way to keep peace is to
eradicate humanity. Try to imagine HAL freed from
his spaceship confines and you'll get the idea. In
one of the most egotistical moves in movie history,
the scientist decides that only he can save humanity
and creates a machine that allows him to transfer 9
parts of his soul into 9 ragdolls so that they
can take down the machines and ensure the safety
of………the landscape, or something. The movie
begins with 9 (voiced very quietly by Elijah Wood),
awaking and meeting up with a family of dolls, like
himself. 5 (John C. Riley), the cowardly
medic, 2 (the extremely underused Martin Landau),
the inventor, 1 (Christopher Plummer), the paranoid
leader, 8, who never speaks, the brute, 6 (the
underwritten Crispin Glover), the artist, 7 (Jennifer
Connelly), the warrior and 3 and 4, who also never
speak, who project messages from the scientist. All
of them set out to stop the evil machines from
enslaving the.........dirt?
Because the movie looks fantastic, I'm tacking two
stars on the score. The visuals are so creative and
lush that you will likely have to clean up the drool
from your seat. Whether it is a city block being
pelted with bullets, 7 fighting The Beast or just the
rag dolls themselves doing their thing, the visual
are absolutely beautiful. But I'm almost tempted to
tear those stars right off right off because the
writing blows chunks and there are plot holes the
size of my gut after Thanksgiving dinner. What are
the machines going to do when/if they destroy the
rag dolls? How long will the doll race survive since
no one has genitalia? Why would the timid Wood be
asked to voice a bold and fearless leader? He makes
9 look like The Whining Avenger. All of these and
many other questions go unanswered. It also
doesn't help that the dialogue and plot is rehashed
from other survivor movies, namely Terminator and
Predator.
All of this could've been forgiven if the voice cast
had delivered their parts with some feeling in them,
but they dropped the ball on that one too. Crispin
Glover, Martin Landau and Christopher Plummer are
the only ones who deliver their lines well. Glover,
eerie and all-knowing as 6 , Landau, wise and kind
in the 8 minutes of screen time he has as 2 and
Plummer, so afraid and paranoid as 1. All
the others might as well have read through Coke
bottles after they woke up from a 12 hour nap.
For all who don't know, this film is based on a 10
minute short, which earned Acker an Oscar nod in
2006 and gave me high hopes for the movie. I
came out empty handed and confused. I tried to
root for this movie. It's just that the unexplained
plot holes, terrible writing and unenthusiastic voice
acting dragged down the appeal brought about by
the visuals. Unfortunately, 9 plays it safe when it
should play it dark and spooky like the trailer and
hauntingly beautiful visuals hint at.
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