Opulence | Teen Ink

Opulence MAG

May 1, 2008
By AquaGem SILVER, Kalamazoo, Michigan
AquaGem SILVER, Kalamazoo, Michigan
5 articles 0 photos 50 comments

Favorite Quote:
Nobody will ever win the Battle of the Sexes. There&#039;s just too much fraternizing with the enemy. ~Henry Kissinger<br /> <br /> Life it too short to let you matter.


I’ve been watching him for days now. When he leaves his house to go to school, I’m the one carefully tailing him, switching cars every day to make myself look less suspicious. If he ever sneaks out of his second-story room, I’ll be the one silently watching from a nearby tree. In class when he turns, feeling eyes on the back of his head, I’m the one who sent the hair on the back of his neck up on end. I am the girl whose shadow is always slightly overlapping his.

Being assigned to watch him almost makes me
feel like I’m not a stalker. Though I’m only 17, I’m a full-fledged member of the organization known as O.P.U.L.E.N.C.E. I’ve been with them since the ­tender age of five. It’s my home. Being an orphan, my office is also my permanent residence, the couch a fold-out bed. There are many others like me: no family. A lot of us are loners and haven’t chosen this route for ourselves.

I’m a tracker. I have been for years and some might say that I am the best at not being the best. In other words, I’m great at being invisible. Or at not being noticed. It’s not as hard as the others in the organization think. Being young and female is good, since most we track are young. Seeing me around younger people – my age, actually – doesn’t raise alarm bells. It helps that I’m cute. With a small frame, light hazel eyes, and short blond hair that curls under my chin, I don’t appear threatening. Of course, my ­organization-funded training doesn’t back that theory.

Soon I won’t be tracking down others with the power. They are finally going to give me an apprentice. After years of mastering everything I’ve been taught, they see my potential. That’s not to say I know everything. Even with my extended life I won’t be able to learn all the things I want to. If only this annoying boy would show the signs. It’s been almost a week. If he doesn’t show soon, they’ll reassign me. That much longer until I get my apprentice.

So here I am, sipping a latté and waiting for the Target to leave for school. I have been put in all of his classes in case something happens there, though I graduated high school years ago. Private tutors sped things up. With no family or personal ties, I had lots of time to devote to my studies. Martial arts black belts. Twelve languages, not including English. Everything a girl needs for a serious career in the agency. Such positions of power are not handed out easily. You must prove yourself many times over.

The Target and I have never spoken, but I know a lot about him. His file told me some, but after watching him for only a few days, I feel confident in saying that I know things no one else does. Not just the obvious, either. He resents his father and is protective of his mother, which makes me suspect the father is less than faithful. He smiles often but doesn’t make a lot of eye contact. He usually only speaks when spoken to. Although he has many friends, he isn’t close with any of them. The Target is observant, a watcher. This leads me to believe we would get along if he shows any promise.

I look down at my watch, then back at his house a few blocks away. The Target is late, which means I’ll be late too. Today my ride is a shiny black sports car, not out of place in this suburb full of midlife-crisis men. I turn on the engine impatiently. I’m fiddling with the radio when I hear something. I don’t feel any immediate danger, and I know to trust those feelings. But I ­also know that something is off.

Just as I am about to get out of the car and pretend to look in the trunk, the passenger door opens. I look up in surprise as the Target slides into the seat next to me. I grin, quite pleased by this turn of events. This is definitely a good sign. Perhaps intuition is strong in him. That would be good for my apprentice to have, complementary. I could handle having to deal with that.

“Hello, Lenna. Why have you been following me for a week now?” the Target asks lightly, conversationally, his first words ever said in my direction.

Ah, one of my many aliases. The organization set it up so that whenever I’m on a case, I get a new name, past, and present. It’s very powerful. The organization can basically do anything it needs; it has people everywhere imaginable. I’m just one of many, though there aren’t that many at the top, as I am. They don’t trust many to be trackers. Or to be apprentices. All of the full members have the power, though we control others to get things done.

My smile deepens as I say in my authoritative, professional voice, “My real name is Jade. I am a witch of the moon and a tracker for the organization known as O.P.U.L.E.N.C.E. You are also a witch. We would like to formally welcome you into the organization as my apprentice. Here is my card for verification.”

Jade Wordsworth
Tracker for O.P.U.L.E.N.C.E
Official Political Understanding Lending ­Everyone ­Navigation for Co-Existing Ethereals
Office hours: 8 a.m.-3 p.m. Mon-Sat
Phone: 555-5555
Proud league of witches of the sun and moon.
Worldwide.

“What do you mean ‘moon and sun’? Or ‘tracker’?” he asks, still looking at my card like it’s going to ­disappear.

“Types of magic. Moon is all about spells, the sun is more potion-based, though each type of witchcraft involves the other somehow. As a tracker, I find people like you and I bring them to O.P.U.L.E.N.C.E. Every witch must register, train, and become a member by law. In fact, the organization is like a government targeted toward witches,” I explain with a smile, loving the fact that this time I get to teach the newbie.

“Magic? Seriously?” he asks, eyes wide, meeting mine. They are large, yellow, and catlike.

I click a button on my left, automatically locking the doors. I put the car into drive, pulling out onto the road. As an afterthought I add as a courtesy, “I think you had better come with me.” .



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This article has 896 comments.


on Jun. 12 2010 at 4:49 pm
Inherinerd GOLD, Ashland, Ohio
16 articles 9 photos 302 comments

Favorite Quote:
A word to the wise ain&#039;t nessecary it&#039;s the stupid ones that need the advise

This was really good! really catching and original

on Jun. 12 2010 at 4:48 pm
Inherinerd GOLD, Ashland, Ohio
16 articles 9 photos 302 comments

Favorite Quote:
A word to the wise ain&#039;t nessecary it&#039;s the stupid ones that need the advise

Hey could you guys please read /vote/comment on some of my stuff? i'm new on this site and i want some constructive critisism! thaks!

on Jun. 12 2010 at 3:46 pm
AnneOnnimous BRONZE, Peterborough Ontario, Other
3 articles 0 photos 146 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Saying &#039;I notice you&#039;re a nerd&#039; is like saying, &#039;Hey, I notice that you&#039;d rather be intelligent than be stupid, that you&#039;d rather be thoughtful than be vapid, that you believe that there are things that matter more than the arrest record of Lindsay Lohan. Why is that?&#039; In fact, it seems to me that most contemporary insults are pretty lame. Even &#039;lame&#039; is kind of lame. Saying &#039;You&#039;re lame&#039; is like saying &#039;You walk with a limp.&#039; Yeah, whatever, so does 50 Cent, and he&#039;s done all right for himself.&quot;<br /> &mdash; John Green

I agree with Aidyl, it was good; it could be improved a lot if you just show more instead of telling. Also it changed halfway through- I personally liked the mysterious first part more, and I was disapointed to see it turn into what seemed like just another magic boarding school book. Good job though.

Aidyl BRONZE said...
on Jun. 11 2010 at 8:56 pm
Aidyl BRONZE, Oshawa, Other
4 articles 0 photos 90 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;If you want a friend be a friend.&quot;<br /> <br /> -Poster<br /> <br /> <br /> &quot;That&#039;s cool. Hey you know what&#039;s even cooler than triceratops? Every other dinosaur that ever existed!&quot;<br /> -Dwight Schrute The Office

I think you did a pretty good job of this, but that you needed to show more not tell. Also, your dialogue didn't seem very natural, it could have flowed a bit more. But other than that I thought your ideas were good and that it could make a really great story.

EllieK. BRONZE said...
on Jun. 11 2010 at 7:34 pm
EllieK. BRONZE, Wilmette, Illinois
4 articles 0 photos 74 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Not all who wander are lost&quot;<br /> JRR Tolkien<br /> <br /> &quot;Sometimes life sucks, so suck it up&quot;<br /> -ME<br /> <br /> &quot;&quot;We succeeded in taking that picture (from deep space), and if you look a it, you see a dot. Thats here. That&#039;s home. Thats us. On it, everyone you ever heard of

This is really good. I like it more each time I read it in fact.

Will you guys read and comment and rate some of my work. This would really be appreciated. Thanks!


_Mags_ SILVER said...
on Jun. 8 2010 at 6:23 pm
_Mags_ SILVER, Somewhere, North Carolina
9 articles 7 photos 436 comments

Favorite Quote:
- I stare danger in the face and giggle<br /> - Never argue with an idiot, people might not know the difference<br /> -R.A.P (Retards Attempting Poetry)<br /> -Tip Cologne ryhmes with alone

Hey, can you guys read some of my work???

on Jun. 7 2010 at 10:22 pm
Shoka_no_sanraizu SILVER, Huntington, Indiana
5 articles 0 photos 25 comments
Wow you are amazing at writing. Keep it up!

on Jun. 7 2010 at 9:56 pm
collegegirladventures GOLD, Mequon, Wisconsin
10 articles 8 photos 307 comments

Favorite Quote:
A poet&#039;s work is to name the unnameable, to point at frauds, to take sides, start arguments, shape the world, and stop it going to sleep.<br /> <br /> ~Salman Rushdie

i luv the story a lot. keep up the good work.

on Jun. 7 2010 at 7:04 pm
littleleyah SILVER, Ozona, Texas
9 articles 0 photos 22 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;When one doesnt belive nothing good can com from that.&quot; (ME!))

Everyone please read my work! i got 4 stars please comment it and i will read your work!

on Jun. 7 2010 at 6:42 pm
PlaceboEffect, Chesterfield, Virginia
0 articles 0 photos 30 comments
I think this was good, but I think that the way you switched topics in the middle was, yes. Rather annoying. It was good, but I think a bit dry. We were handed facts, not a story line. But keep on writing!

on Jun. 7 2010 at 5:06 pm
Lost-In-Life GOLD, Whitby, Other
11 articles 0 photos 299 comments

Favorite Quote:
It&#039;s never to late, if it weren&#039;t for the last minute many things would never get done!

Amazing! I love this! The way it leaves off is perfect. You are a very talented writer. The only criticism I have of this piece is to show not tell. Keep Writing! 

coly33 BRONZE said...
on Jun. 7 2010 at 4:36 pm
coly33 BRONZE, Lyndhurst, New Jersey
4 articles 0 photos 76 comments

yes exactly i thought it was also missing that blazey causethe switch of topic was... yeah annoying

:)


coly33 BRONZE said...
on Jun. 7 2010 at 4:34 pm
coly33 BRONZE, Lyndhurst, New Jersey
4 articles 0 photos 76 comments

hm i think a sequal should be expected i think no what maybe it matters if u get inspiration i guess but i loved it anyway

:)


on Jun. 5 2010 at 4:21 pm
bribri2200 BRONZE, Spokane, Washington
1 article 0 photos 1 comment
I think this story was really really good! Keep writing!

on Jun. 3 2010 at 7:08 pm
livelovelaugh353 SILVER, San Carlos, California
5 articles 0 photos 12 comments
I also agree with bookowl, zikky and vballchick, its not very realistic that this boy would be so calm when she tells him about the organization. Also, I agree with blazey about how you could try just showing more then telling because it makes the readers more curious. Overall though I love the idea and it seems like it'd be a really great book. Keep writing! :)

elsek said...
on Jun. 2 2010 at 1:13 pm
i think it was kinda boaring but ya thats ok

blazey BRONZE said...
on Jun. 1 2010 at 12:02 pm
blazey BRONZE, Buffalo Grove, Illinois
4 articles 4 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
Great minds think alike, Albert Enstien

Needs more show don't tell, you tell the reader to much, also the way you switched topics in the middle of the story was really annoying. You need to learn how to make smooth language that goes well with the theme of the story.

on May. 31 2010 at 11:08 pm
chocolatesummerlaughterbliss SILVER, Seattle, Washington
7 articles 0 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
the moving finger writes, and having writ<br /> moves on; not all your piety and wit<br /> can bring it back to cancel half a line<br /> nor all your tears wash out a word of it

the "moon and sun" thing was crazy original, love the story, please turn it into a book someday!

on May. 30 2010 at 1:26 pm
ashbadash BRONZE, Ocala, Florida
4 articles 1 photo 45 comments

Favorite Quote:
Friends are like glue, they always stick by your side.

I luveeeedddd it soooo much but I do agree with Zikky and BookOwl, he didn't seem that surprised when she told him she was a tracker, but it was overall awesome. I'd give it an A+++++!!!!

on May. 30 2010 at 8:34 am
LaughingGirl GOLD, Ocala, Florida
13 articles 0 photos 49 comments

Favorite Quote:
Play the music not the instrument. -Author Unknown

Ohh...this story is good. But I agree with Zikky about screaming stalker because you would think the kid would be freaked out. The target is very calm. Very good, though. Write more please!