I am Daniel Lee and I am not okay.

School is not okay, my family is not okay, and I am not okay.

When you see me, I seem okay. I am an extrovert, I like talking to my friends, and making friends. I like participating in class and speaking up. I am the one the guidance counselor worries about least and I am the one who is the most popular.

But,

I am not okay.

These thoughts haunt me in my nightmares every day. They are the little voice inside my head that tells me that I am not good enough. I tell myself to stay quiet, to not let those voices take over me. I tell myself I am okay, that my imperfections doesn’t make me. But, it doesn’t work. I give in to the voices and it tells me that I’m not good enough, that no one likes me. Who would like someone like me?

I am not okay.

When I go to school, I put on a mask, to conceal all my troubles and worries. Outside, I am optimistic Daniel Lee, Daniel Lee that is friends with the whole school, Daniel Lee that never gets sad or angry. I smile and laugh to hide the darkness hidden deep inside me. It tortures me, pulling out every loose strand of my sanity.

I am not okay.

They tell me not to cry, that a boy shouldn’t cry. I hang on to those words, not letting the tears that well up in my eyes to fall down. After all, I am Daniel Lee, Daniel who doesn’t cry, tough Daniel that can handle almost anything.

Almost anything, but not this.

I am Daniel Lee and I am not okay.